Building the kingdom or just playing with legos?

Yesterday I caught Joren filling up his rainboot with pool water and drinking it.
Really. I'm not kidding.

Relief Society responsibilities have taken my whole day except 1 1/2 hours that I spent this afternoon with my family. I loved those hours. Now I have another hour of work to do for RS and then it will be 12:30. I realized in sacrament mtg that I have not been doing my best to read and pray often enough to get filled up with the spirit. Responsibilities get hard and overwhelming when you are not filled up with love which is the power of God. I get too tired without being filled up and the responsibilities become a burden. I am tired tonight. Our stake boundaries got changed today and we have 10 active sisters that will now be attending another ward and 140 inactive members moved to another ward. I am so relieved that I am not the RS president receiving 150 new sisters that are almost all inactive. In this work, building the kingdom, the purpose is to change lives and bring people unto Him. I wonder if I have done any good. I know of two sisters who have benefited from my stewardship, but they might have thrived just as much without me. I have befriended many but maybe it made no difference. I have given lots of responsibilities and assignments, but were any of them life changing? Has anyone's perspective or relationship with Christ improved from something I have done? My lessons are usually mediocre at best. I sometimes wonder if I am working myself to death without a direct enough purpose in mind. The general RS presidency counsels us to only put effort into fruitful endeavors. I need to consider more fully if we are spinning our wheels. How can I be more effective? Are we getting the fruit from our labors? How can I delegate more effectively? If things don't get done, i can't be the one to always pick up the reins.. or is that what a leader does. My second counselor went out of town without planning an activity for June or July. So, do I do it, or just let it go? My first counselor did not get someone to summarize the lesson, so do I do it, or let it go? I conducted today and for once I did not stress out. I just got up there and let it be, perfect or not. It was nice.

So Scholastic

We are on lesson 15 of "How to teach your child to read in 100 lessons". Both boys are doing well. Eirik reads ahead and is a bit bored of the process, but needs it so I try to speed through it. He will be reading in no time. Joren is surprising me with his attention and how well he knows his letters. I really get satisfaction out of helping them with scholastic things. Eirik is doing a great job on his summer journal. I love his detailed drawings.

Today Joren found a dead cockroach and it became his little friend/ pet. He had it eating bread off the table, doing flips and he carried him around for a long time. I like bugs and I like studying them, but I don't like touching them. Today at Imagination Station where we went to get the kids out of the house and keep me from yelling at them, we looked at a book about bugs. I think they are incredible and so beautiful. I am going to do some artwork depicting moths. I think they are so fantastic. Velvety and intricate and subtle. Nocturnal and camouflaged, flitting around unnoticed leaving a dust of silver everywhere they go. What lovely creatures. Scarab beatles are also going to show up in my future artwork. I enjoy them so much. God's creations astound me. From the tallest trees to the tiniest organisms, they are amazing.

Paul had a patient come in cured from a serious condition that she had seen two previous doctors for. Paul's prescriptions and directions helped her and she was so grateful she cried and gave him a hug. He has lots of great success stories like this that I love to hear. It is so cool to me that my husband is changing lives and saving lives every day. He is such a special person. He has helped two families move this week and will help another tomorrow.

I was a major grump today. Hormones are tough on me and I take it out on my littles. I am ashamed. I just felt like screaming all day, so I got out of the house where I am less likely to be mean. It mostly worked. I only yelled for 1/2 the day. ;) We went to IS and then to a $1 movie. Teig didn't like it so I went out front and there were two guys playing guitar out front of a bar so we got to listen to them play for an hour. Teig learned to clap and made me so happy. The music was great. The kids loved the movie and fell asleep on the way home. Not a bad field trip Friday.

Last Play date with the Laters

Kasey moves tomorrow. I watched her kids for the last time yesterday. We had a great time. My kids were so good today. I was so proud of them. The high point of my day was when Eirik was instructing Sarah on how to drive our red jeep up and down the street. He explained how to do a three point turn and then congratulated her as she did it well. Then at the end of the street, Grant decided that he wanted to ride Joren's bike back. Joren said, "sure" and jumped off to let Grant ride. Then Joren walked back. Neither of them fought over their toys and they were so nice to their friends. Teig was in my arms delighted by the gorgeous weather, the jeep and the kids happiness. He was giving me happy high fives and smiling his super contagious smile and I thought, "all is perfect in this beautiful moment." On the way back down the street, I put Teig in the passenger side and Sarah pretended to talk on the phone about what she was making for dinner and what her GPS was telling her. ;)

We did puzzles and hopschotch for hours out front. Teig loves to eat all the dirt and bark and seed pods. He is so fun. He can go up all the stairs and has learned this week to go back down backward if I am standing there prompting him. He's getting closer to walking too, but I'm not anxious. I love his babyhood and savor every little step. I don't want it to go faster. (Although, I would appreciate if he would sleep through the night.)

I love my gorgeous pots this year!

I served lunch in the fern fortress today. I let the kids mix their own lemonade. I put the powder in a little pot with a spoon and the water in a pitcher with ice. They thought it was pretty cool.

Eirik insisted that I help him build this glove. He designed every aspect of it very specifically. Everything had to be just right and he is pretty proud of it. His costumes do sometimes drive me crazy because regular clothes are not a part of his vocabulary. He can't get dressed at all until it is the perfect thing to wear to be the character of choice. Sometimes it takes hours to get clothes on him. I am almost done with his Aang costume that he earned by getting 100 stickers. I am smart enough to know that it won't be a long lasting fad, but he earned it, so I'm making it.

Joren is getting pretty specific about his clothing choices too.

Right now Joren is outside collecting bugs while Eirik watched Clone Wars. Joren loves bugs and being outside and doesn't mind holding any creature. If Eirik sees a bug, he yells for his brother to come get it. He says, "you know how much I hate bugs!" They make a good team.

How to Hotwire

Episode 1: How to hot-wire a mini-van

"You take a honeybee and two cords and connect them together and then you make three cords connect together and then you make, you cut one of the cords and gas will spill and fire will pop up onto your wheels and blow up your wheels and you will go firing into the street. And that's how you hot wire a minivan. Come again next week and you will see the next episode of hot wiring a bike." "That was just an experiment I was going to test when I get older."

Episode 2: How to hot-wire a bike.

"You put a rocket booster on the front or your bike. You connect a platypus mask to your head and connect a cord from the mask to your brain. You put your feet up on the bars. You put fire on the booster and it boosts out into action. The platypus mask helps you find a way to drive it. When you have the mask on you can relax and close your eyes and the mask will help tell you which way to drive on your bike; because everyone knows a platypus has a sixth sense. Come again next time to see how you hot-wire a motor bike. "
Eirik

Father's Day and 3 Miracles

1. The bishop and I have been discussing who to call as a preparedness leader with Sister Durrer for a few months. We could not decide. Today as I spoke with Sister Durrer she told me that as she was leaving the temple she realized that her husband would be good at this calling. She said it never occurred to her before and the bishop and I would not have thought of it because he lives in another state, but is soon moving here. They are having marriage trouble and working together on a calling like this might be a great help to their relationship.

2. Travis Hamblin came to dinner and told us that the big fire in Arizona that burned a whole mountain happened right near his parents home. He looked up on a map and it burned the whole area around their home just leaving a tiny sliver of undamaged land right around the house.

And the best one:
3. There is a coat at the beach house. Camel colored with a red lining. It belonged to Grandpa Kermit Aanderud. Steve used to put it on for inspiration when he was having trouble solving a tricky problem in the remodel since Grandpa K was so handy. Recently a stake president has been helping put in flooring at the beach house. He told Ben that he was having trouble with some part of the project and he noticed that coat and felt impressed to put it on. He said he figured out the solution to the problem. He told that story without knowing the history of the coat. You can't tell me our ancestors are not helping us from beyond the veil.

We missed Steve today. We cried on a conference call. We cried in each other's arms. I cried for Paul and for Steve and for our kids and for me. I rejoiced that I got to know Steve. We are making a book of remembrance. I want my kids to remember what a great man he was.

I enjoyed giving Paul breakfast in bed with the boys this morning and letting him open the photo book we made. I also enjoyed talking to my dad on the phone. I miss him and love him. He is a great man too.

Of all the names that Eloheim is known by: Creator, God Almighty, I am, King of Kings, Lord, Good Shepherd, Master, Omega, Prince of Peace.. the one he prefers to go by is Father. I am grateful for my Father in Heaven.

Growing things everywhere!

We had an awesome weekend. Friday we went with Ashley Pace and Erin Walker to the botanical gardens in Ann Arbor. There's a beautiful conservatory with arid and temperate and tropical botanicals. I swoon. I love growing things. The outside gardens are amazing. The children's gardens have so many fun areas. There's a sunken little bricked area where there was a basket full of fairy and pirate costumes. There's rope nests, a fairy garden, huge sticks, logs and wooden blocks to build with, strawberries by the bucket to pick and eat, streams, trails, chalkboards and vegetable gardens. The english gardens have every herb possible. It was dreamy, and fun to be with my friends. The trip included all my favorite things; art, vegetables, music, beauty, flowers, friends and fun. I could see myself building a place like that. Today I took the kids to the high school track and made them bike and run. Joren is great on his little bike. Paul got to moonlight this morning. When he got home, we went to a flower show put on by the Grosse Ile garden club. I signed up to be a member. :) I loved seeing all those 50/60 year old sweet gardening ladies. In 20 years, that's exactly what I'll be doing. The flowers and tree branches were awesome. After that we picked up Kasey and Paul watched the kids for 30 min while we went to the quilt and garden show. It was fun to see her and talk for a few minutes. I'm sure going to miss her. Then we got slurpies and went to this awesome park. I loved watching my boys play. I'm looking forward to giving Paul his Father's day present. It's our first Father's Day without Steve and we are thinking of him tonight. We sure miss him.

Not really worth reading...

Rainy, cleaning day. I made the boys watch you tube videos about how to clean a toilet and then we cleaned all our bathrooms. They thought it was a treat. HA! I ironed, folded all the laundry, made a meal for a family who's grandma died this morning, did the same dishes twice since I made the exact meal yesterday, and vacuumed, swept, cleaned up the toys and chased Teig all day. When I put him down he bolts for the toilet, the cleaners, the printer, the stairs or the front door where he can get his fingers pinched. He is an escape artist and always trying to scoot under the gates. He can climb the stairs, but hasn't a clue how to go back down. I work with him on it daily, but he doesn't have a healthy fear of them yet. He fell out of the bathtub on his face today. He's at that exciting stage where the world is big and welcoming and not yet scary. He's so happy and sweet. Joren goes exploring in the woods behind our house every day. When I can't find him, I know he's escaped to the woods again. It's fun to see what shoes and gear he has chosen because the shoes are usually mismatched and he usually has some sort of hat or hood or goggles or glasses. He only sometimes has a shirt. Today he got in trouble again for peeing in the neighbors yard. I had to spank him because he won't cut it out. I also had to put him to bed without routine and in his clothes because he was violent all day and deliberately hit his brother right after I told him if he used violence he would have to go right to bed. When he wants something he just uses his fists and gets it. He also has a deadly high pitched scream that we are not tolerating well. I put him outside when he is violent or screams and tell him we don't want him around when he acts like that.
Eirik begged for TV and movies all day long. I can't get him interested in anything else. It drives me crazy. He had screen time for a big chunk of the day because he was so irritating. "Mother, guess what, Mother, you promised, but mother you said, Mother, I have an idea... " Ahhhhh no more! I am doing reading lessons with both boys and they are doing great, when I can keep their attention. We started an allowance chart this week and journals.

Ultra Toasty

Eirik's Primary Talk: (Eirik wrote this)

Faith in Jesus leads us to Love him, Trust Him and keep the commandments:

"I believe in Jesus Christ because it makes perfect sense. He is God's son. I have faith in him. Faith is things you hope for which are not seen which are true. If we have faith in Jesus we feel the Holy Spirit and are blessed. When you feel the Holy Spirit it is a warm holy feeling deep inside you. It makes me want to cry with joy. My love for Jesus makes me ultra toasty inside me and warm. I love Jesus because he created me and my family, and my dog. I believe he will help me if I need it. One time my stomach hurt and I prayed to Heavenly Father and my stomach stopped hurting. I obey the rules of Jesus and Heavenly Father. This is keeping the commandments. Thou shalt not hit, steal,throw, or slam or kick or hit. If we keep them we will go up to heaven and live with God and Jesus again. If we don't we will go to live with Satan and have a horrible crummy life. In the name of Jesus Christ Amen."

The Bird Rescue Mission

The wind blew hard last night and this morning while the kids and I played in the grass I noticed a tiny baby bird. I bent down thinking it was not alive and saw his tiny racing heartbeat. I waved my finger over his head and his tiny beak opened up very wide looking desperately for food. I looked around for a nest and sadly discovered it tipped over where a branch had broken. The baby birds little sister lay mostly dead in the street where she had landed. I was reminded of a sweet story I recently read to the children from the Friend about President David O. Makay who drove many miles out of his way to open the window to his barn so that a mother and fatehr robin could bring food to the babies in the nest inside the barn. He said, "To Heavenly Father, all creatures are precious." The kids and I planned an animal rescue mission. We borrowed a ladder from our neighbor. He righted the nest and then lifted the baby up into his home. He hopped in, and then immediatly hopped out, falling to the street once again. He seemed to be able to walk so we helped him in again as the mother and father flew around their tree squaking. I hope they thought we were trying to help. Once again the baby fell from the nest; this time into my hands. I handed him back up to Ron who put him in his nest where he appeared to stay. Then the boys and I got to work burrying the sibling that did not survive the fall. Eirik appeared running from inside with a small stone and tape and a small piece of paper. He wanted to write on the paper and tape it up for a headstone. He told me what to write. "Here lies Timmy, a baby robin who died when he fell from his nest onto the hard road. We are sorry you fell. May you life happily in heaven."
Then we all said a prayer. I prayed for the parents of the bird and for the baby in the nest. Eirik prayed for the bird to be happy in heaven and Joren prayed that the bird would not die soon. It was a tender morning. I know God loves all his creatures.

Many Talents

At church this week our lesson was on talents. Someone mentioned one of my talents and then someone else added to their comment and then someone else added to their comment and pretty soon I was beat read and cried out, "stop stop!" I was so embarrassed. They mentioned so many things I have done for sisters in the ward; helping with choosing exterior paint, interior design, paintings, baby shower decorations, "transforming" the RS room with decorations for an activity, flower arrangements, gardening, adding curtains to the RS room, refinishing furniture... and then someone said, "and of course she's so spiritual too". At that point I said, "I'm going to have to leave, I'm so embarrassed!" To add to my shame they mentioned my "plethora" of talents in the newsletter in the lesson summary. I am a confident person and of course I am not ashamed of my talents, but I was mortified to be put on display like that among my sisters that I am supposed to serve and represent. The last thing I want is to make anyone feel like they have something to live up to or make anyone feel inferior. I know there are a lot of sisters that say they are not talented or that they don't belong in RS because the sisters in RS are something that they are not. I want to serve with my talents but not be praised for them. Ugh, I felt like hiding under a rock. I never hide my talents, but I was surprised to be so embarrassed. I guess I have not felt that emotion in a long time.

This Nelson Mandella quote really changed me a long time ago when I first heard it:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I am so grateful for my talents. I am grateful when I learn a new talent. I am grateful for my mom who taught me to never be intimidated by any skill. I have been so blessed with super talented friends that I have learned from like a sponge. I get excited to try new things. I am often surprised that things that are easy for me are not easy for some other people. I often don't think of things as talents, but as necessary things for having a full life. I would feel so empty without the art and life that fills me up. I guess I can't differentiate life from art. Life is beauty. Beauty is art. Gardening, painting, sewing, cooking, decorating.. it's all beauty, it's all art, it's all what makes life; life.

Great gobs of Gel

While Paul and I were in the basement dancing to Michael Jackson at midnight tonight, Joren was upstairs scooping great gobs of gel into his hair to make himself look like a rockstar. It's hard to get mad at him when he is so dang cool. Still, that boy is not allowed to take naps.

A dive for the muscovy duck

I loved my night last night so much that I stayed up way too late enjoying it. I haven't cracked the last book in a four book series that I have been dying to finish in over two weeks, so I read for an hour and of course I woke up so tired. 4 1/2 hours just isn't enough. It was rainy. I packed a lunch and took the kids to the library. We had a picnic in the car. I am so tired of cleaning the house and the kids are like a trainwreck at home. I turn my back and Joren has dumped all his clothes from his dresser on the floor or spilled 20 oz of smoothie and spashed it all over the cupboards or lost my sandles because he won't wear his or turned the nozel on the bathroom sink so that it is running full blast on the floor flooding the bathroom. It's constant. I am picking up, scrubbing, cooking and moving junk around 16 hours a day. The rest of the time I am harrasing the kids or putting them to sleep. So I took them in the car and buckled them in their seats most of the afternoon. I had to contain the mess to contain my sanity. After the library the rain stopped and I took them to the park. It was beautiful. We watched two red cardinals fight over a lady cardinal. We spotted some muscovy ducks, which I think are fascinating. Joren liked them too. He crept up to them and squatted down in the grass watching them for a long time. I stood 30' away watching him wondering what he was going to do. After 3 or 4 minutes he leaped with amazing speed right toward the closest duck and did a home run dive right for him. He landed with a splat on his belly in the mud. He was not deterred but kept on chasing after those ducks with great determination until the finally escaped into the water. Then we all settled into a camp chair to read our library books for an hour or so. When we got cold we went to read in the car for another hour. Eirik was not in a good mood so I arranged for him to go spend some time with his friend Benjamin. When we got to his house to pick Ben up, the other two boys were asleep so Erin let Eirik stay and play and the three of us slept in the car for 2 hours. That was a sneaky mom trick and I'm glad I played it. It was wonderful.
After dinner Paul went to bed with grumpy Eirik and Teig, Joen and I had a wonderful playtime in the basement. The whole week went by without me spending any time playing in the basement with them.. again. They love it so much. We have great toys, but I spend so much time taking care of this house that I don't stop and play enough. Eirik actually asked me, "mom, why do you care about the house so much? Why don't you just take time to play with us?" I know, something has to give. I just can't live in a disaster and it only takes one day of playing for the house to completely fall apart. If I miss one day of sweeping, I can't put Teig on the floor. I am totally exhausted and have to figure out a better plan. I can't keep it up. I do make the boys work, but they really fight me. Eirik said, "I feel like your slave." because I asked him to pick up some books today. What a crybaby. He was so tired today. I used to think that if someone's house was a mess that they must never clean up. I remember thinking how slovenly people lived because there were piles of things everywhere. Now I know how fast those piles can accumulate. I will never judge again. I cannot believe how hard it is to keep things in their places. Is that enough venting?? I hope I am done. I gave myself a pep talk yesterday. I reminded myself to love all my work, to rejoice in all the endless tasks because it means that I get to live in this wonderful, beautiful, big house with so many amenities. Sure we could eat oatmeal for every meal and it would make kitchen chores that much easier. Sure we could have a suburban yard with a lawn service. Sure we could get rid of all the toys and only have enough clothes for one week. Sure we could only keep one pair of shoes out per kid. But, there's so much life in all those glorious choices. So, for that I rejoice. There is work to do because there is abundant life. I choose choices and abundance. I choose my work and my life. I just have to get smarter about how I get it done. Maid service??

I live for days like these.

On Monday I did a menu plan for a few weeks and went to the grocery store, paid bills and did returns. On Tuesday I did laundry and cleaned floors and picked up. Wed I did trash, cleaned the garage and scrubbed the kitchen. Thursday I had RS pres meeting at my house and in the evening I weeded and gardened until it was too dark to keep working. Tonight the house is clean and I can finally relax.
I took a giant armful of bursting peonies to my friend I visit teach. She let me stay and chat for almost an hour. As I came home I felt wonderfully calm and happy. It is 11:30 and 65 degrees. My yard looks beautiful in the moonlight. My cute new nude flats clicked up the driveway and I smiled to see the pots of flowers on my doorstep in bloom. I gave my wonderful old stained glass door a good shove to open it since it sticks and makes a familiar snug sound as it closes out the world for the night. The fragrance from the spilling peonies in the pool of light on the granite in front of me is lovely. The boys are asleep. I still have a little dirt under my fingernails keeping this gorgeous day fresh for just a bit longer as it winds down into a warm summer evening under the slight breeze from the ceiling fan. I live for days and nights like today. Every living thing around me is such a blessing. To live with lush growing things all around our house that I can tend and watch seems like such a miraculous thing. I am full of gratitude. I am in awe of the earth, the seeds, the tenaciousness of life. I am astounded by the breadth and diversity of all things. Even the tiny mosquitoes biting me tonight are delicate and lovely in their own way. My boys, my tender sweet, incredible boys delight me and amaze me every day. There is no end to their vigor and enthusiasm and ideas. I think I am teaching them, and then I realize that they are teaching me. I am humbled and sometimes ashamed of how I think I know the best way for them when they are brilliant little individuals brimming with more potential than I can even imagine. I am grateful and hopeful and happy.

The most perfect baby..

Wif aw his fings...