Worst Enemy

"Do you know what my worst enemy is? A blank piece of paper. I can't stand it! If I see one, I instantly want to draw." Joren

Sleepwalker

One of my kids sleepwalks.  One night I woke up to the sounds of water spilling in my closet.  I found a very disoriented boy peeing on the back of the door.

Juni at 2 1/2 years old

Oh the sweetness, the sticky sugary adorableness wraps around my little finger and melts my heart.  Juni could charm anyone with her little voice and huge bright blue eyes and fluffy angel hair. Her itty bitty body is perfection in it's bubbly cheerful enthusiasm. She is snuggly, she strokes my face and says, "mommy, i missed you." She says, "I wove you so much mommy." When I do things for her she says, "of fank you fank you mommy." When I ask her what the magic word is she says, "um.. pink." When she says her name, "Jewiper" it is cute beyond description. She wants to see herself in the mirror and when she does she says, "Ta Da!" If someone gets hurt or is sad she is the first to be there with a hug and kiss, especially if it is Teig.
When I ask her why she did something she says, "because mommy no." Imagine pure angelic innocence and that is Juni, but a while ago she was introduced to a little tempter sitting on her shoulder telling her of her independence. She has decided she will get her way. She will not be told no and she will hold out till the bitter end.  Juni wants to wear swimsuits, (pronounced "wissoot:" only. She will refuse any other clothes. This began back in March when we swam for spring break at the pool at the hotel. Since then she has also been obsessed with goggles and often won't leave home without them.  If I persuade her or manage to wrangle her into other clothes besides swimsuits, she will hide under the table, take them off and put on her swimsuit- often backwards and inside out.  Juni loves to color, but only with markers, and mostly on walls, doors, our wood floor or herself. In one photo here, she is covered in marker, but that is not a one time event. In fact, she will hide anywhere she can if she is able to locate my make-up bag and "do her make-up." I think she uses markers  as make up as well. One time she put maskara on pretty well without a mirror! She hates to let me do her hair, but if I finally do get her hair done, she will run around showing everyone her pigtails very proud. Juni does not like crayons except to eat or take the wrappers off of. Without fail, she will locate all the pink and purple markers or crayons and carry them with her until I snag them back and hide them again. Then when she cries to paint or draw I am such a huge sucker for anyone that wants to make art, I'll bend over backward to let her be creative.
One of her favorite ways to be creative is with her food. Granted, because I am not strict enough with her, the problem is worse, but the girl loves to smear, smash, squish and mash everything I give her. I won't tolerate the throwing, but I usually don't reprimand the messes besides to say, "yucky Juni, keep your food on your plate, use your napkin etc. We also wrote a family song called "Don't squeeze the cheese, because it's one of the messiest things she does. She can turn a cheese stick into a painted countertop in 3 minutes. I have said for about a year that she is talented at changing the form of her meal into something unrecognizable while putting absolutely none of it in her mouth.  She is hard to feed.  Lately she will eat cottage cheese, pizza, quesadillas, mandarin oranges, peaches, raisins chicken nuggets and hot dogs. Pretty much anything else is bound to fail and be everywhere.  When I ask her what she wants for breakfast it is always , "hot gog."  When I say no, she will refuse anything else and then wait until I'm not looking, open the fridge, grab a hot dog out of the package in the bottom drawer and eat it cold. (GROSS)!  She loves cookie dough and actually calls all cookies, cookie dough. This photo is of Teig and Juni sneaking some cookie dough off the counter. Teig and Juni are best little buddies. They miss each other when Teig goes to preschool. They give each other cute little hugs and kisses. Teig is extremely rough with Juni, but Juni is super tough. She doesn't typically fight back but she definitely won't put up with mistreatment and she stands her ground. With three brothers she has learned to stick up for herself and be a strong woman. There is nothing shy about Juni.

 She has a wonderful little friend named Lydia.  They are so cute together. Last year Lydia's mom, Rachel watched Juni and Teig for me for 4 hours once a week for almost 4 months. It was a huge service to me and I will be grateful forever to her. I got to go to art class during that time, and Juni and Lydia have become great friends. One day last month I was bringing Lydia to our house and she said, "Juni, you say words now??" Juni exclaimed, "Yes!" in the most excited voice. It was adorable.

Juni loves her sunglasses and calls them "gassy". If she experiences ANY sun in her eyes, she is immediately calling for her "gassys". Starting when school started, Juni needed her own backpack to be like her brothers. I love to see what she packs in her backpack. She is seldom without a phone, a swimsuit, a pink stuffed animal of some kind, and her "gassys". 

When the boys went to Disneyland they felt bad that Juni stayed home. They picked out an Elsa dress, tiara, wand and gloves for her to wear. When they got home, they all surrounded Juni (including uncle Michael and Uncle Dave) and watched and videotaped a very ceremonious, queenly presentation of the gifts accompanied by the "let it go" soundtrack. Juni was very somber and queenly as she carefully put all the items on and then spun lovely circles around the room showing off her new attire. It was incredible.

We had a rough morning this morning.  After refusing breakfast but spilling her fruit drink and making pictures in it with her fingers, she got into the markers and Paul's hair gel before 9 when I accidentally fell asleep on the couch after reading to them. I dressed her a few times, but she undressed each time. I ended up taking her to drop off Teig at preschool in her swimsuit a coat and her boots.  She sheds her shoes the minute I fight her into her carseat each time, so this time I insisted that she pick up her boots before I carry her in. She put up a major fight. I decided that since I had time, I would let her know she would not win every time she had a tantrum. I stood my ground and waited until she picked up her boots for me to carry her in. She stood her ground and refused. Finally I sat down to wait, then she sat down to wait and then she fell right asleep. HA, Kids win anyway. I carried her in, asleep without her boots.  What a girl.

DISNEYLAND- "KIDS WIN!"

Paul took the boys to Disneyland! He invited Jeanette, Jake and cousin Dave.  There were 3 adults and 4 kids so the theme of the trip was, "Kids win!" because whenever there was a vote, adults were outvoted.

Teig was so excited he could ride all the rides except space mtn, splash mtn and matterhorn.  Robot yeti - it was awesome. I covered my eyes teh whole time. Space mountain had a ghost theme for Halloween and was pretty scary. Paul was a little worried about how he would like the bigger rides. He would look over at Teig at the end of the ride and ask how he liked it.  Teig would slowly lift his little head and in his little 5 year old voice he would yell, "Best ride ever!" (one time he said, "Dad covered my eyes the whole time.")

Paul loved that they left early Thursday morning from Portland and by 11 or 11:30 he was eating a turkey leg in Disneyland. He loved the seamless, stress free travel with the shuttle and close hotel. He loved the snacks left and right and how easy Disneyland makes it to focus on the kids because all the work is done for you.  He also loved the all-you-can-eat country western. He said the best part is when it starts to get dark.

Joren's favorite rides were California Screamin' and tower of terror. "I went on it and it was so crazy!" he said.  He also commented on three days of walking, "I learned a new type of pain.. Foot ache" 

Eirik's favorites were 1. space mtn, 2. soarin' over CA, 3. Matterhorn 4. Big Thunder 5. Splash Mountain.  He also commented that  he will NOT go on California screamin' or Tower of Terror.

Teig loved it all, but his very favorite was swimming with Dad.  On the way up to the hotel room, Teig said after riding the Tower of Terror earlier that day, "So this is what a normal elevator feels like."

Dave's favorite thing was the turkey leg which he carried around for a few hours. He took it on splash mountain and pretended to be eating it in the photo. 

Dave and Paul got stuck on CA screamin'! They had to be rescued and taken out the back exit.  They got two fast passes to Cars out of it though so they said it was worth it.

Early Christmas lists

Joren has given me 4 Christmas lists so far this year, and it is still before Halloween!  I wish I had this kind of imagination.

Wheelees (shoes with wheels like you wanted to buy before)
remote control helicopter
3-DS
stuffed animal tiger
Bearded Dragon
Sword
Glider I can ride on
cauldron for mixing potions
pet owl
pet turtle
potion bottles (18)
ingredients box
replica of an elephant tusk
jigonotosaurus tooth
t-rex tooth
spinosaurus claw
nike fuel band black
candle
great white tooth
replica of a narwhal tusk
spending time with my mom
black candle
sword
pick axe
mountain bike with racing stripes and kick stand
Madagascar or giant day gecko
green fuel band
awesome tennis shoes
racing bike
leather finger-less gloves

The spelling and the drawings really are the best part! 

Try a Triathalon in Bend!

Saturday- drive to Bend, wade/ swim in river by all the people tubing, hotel, swim in pool, dinner at Jacksons corner  This place is incredible!! We all barely talked. We loved the food so much. The setting was super cool. I want to live there.  Late night run around hotel, hot chocolate in lobby, AC somehow got unplugged, Dave fixed it at 11:30! Hero of the night! Phew, we finally did get some sleep (even if I did have to share a full size bed with 3 kids! (squish).
Sunday- 6:00 AM guys left for Triathalon. Kids and I got ready and checked out and got ready to be super awesome support family to Dave and Paul. Dave and Paul kicked butt at the triathalon. Rest and nourishment at Jimmy Johns. Kids did an obstacle course at 12, ice cream and medals then to Juniper the water park for a long afternoon of swimming! Joren and I went off the rope swing and I swam my first 400 meter.. Yee haw! Drive home with fun stop in Sisters for dinner at Los Agavas for dinner. Bacon wrapped chilli rellanos. Yum! 
Great Weekend!! Let's do it again next year! 

Friend levels

"Daniel just unlocked a new level on my friend list. And so did Juni because of her cuteness. Juni, you're the best. I'll share Scratchclaw with you."

Teig

(Scratchclaw is Teig's invisible raptor friend.)

4th of July!

An absolutely perfect day. We were all superheroes in the Rockaway parade then spent hours and hours on the beach building sand castles. Hot dogs and s'mores on the beach and then 5 million fireworks and glow sticks and singing around the fire. We ended the day with baths and pizza and movies for the adults. A day I did not want to see end.

Family Renuion 2015

Family Reunion highlights

Melody's top 10
1. Ben and Paul stage fighting dressed as superheros in the Rockaway Beach 4th of July parade.

2. Juni in her wonder woman costume

3. building sandcastles for hours and hours with all the cousins in perfect weather

4. decorating the float

5. making feathers for our beach house craft

6. Zach and Arinn's amazing tacos.

7. Fireworks and ukulele playing on the beach around the campfire

8. Letting off lanterns into the sky at night

9. At the fireworks on the beach, Joren took Juni's hand and helped her sit down next to him in the sand to watch. I was behind and got to watch him put his arm around her and tell her about the fireworks while he shared his blanket.  Later that night I took Teig and Juni up to the house before the end of the fireworks to go to bed. They carried their new flashlights and glowsticks with them. I bathed them to get off all the sand and we laughed and sang songs. I tucked them in bed next to each other and kissed them goodnight. I stood outside the door and listened for a minute to see if they would go right to sleep. Teig took his flashlight and shined it around the room. Then he said, "Juni, I know it looks scary, but see; just a normal lamp, see; nothing on the ceiling. We're safe and I'm here to protect you. You can sleep. Goodnight Juni."  I don't think I've ever been so in love with my little boys.

10. I almost totally botched our dinner night and then everyone came to the rescue and saved the day. Everyone was so nice and quick to help. No one was critical (except me.. of myself) but because of their kindness.. I was able to forgive myself for being inept and keep smiling. Dinner was fine.

Joren:

1. Throwing out candy at the parade!

2. Cricket eating contest

3. Surfing with Uncle Zach and Daddy and Jake and Abe, Oly, and Elsie


4. Telling about my dragons at the talent show

Teig:


Paul:

1. Seeing everyone in the parade
2. Campfires
3. Getting help at dinnertime when electricity wouldn't work at the second house
4. There's no drama
5. The weather was perfect
6. Surfing
7. Superhero day
8. 4th of July and fireworks on the beach

Juni at 25 months

Juni is growing up so fast. I decided to take down the crib yesterday since she does not like to sleep in it anymore and the thought made me really sad. I couldn't do it. It's still up.  The queen size guest bed is in the same room as Juni's crib and for the past 5 months or so, Juni has preferred sleeping in the big bed over the crib. I have still used the crib for times when I want her to stay in bed, but she rarely gets down off the big bed by herself anyway. I think she likes the big bed because I put her in the middle with large pillows stacked on either side of her and she looks like a princess all bundled up in a giant bed. She always pats the pillow next to her bed and says "Mommy pillow," indicating that she would like me to sleep by her. She is must have her purple blanket which she calls, "wenget" and she does the baby sign for blanket when she says it. Juni's comprehension has really taken off lately. She is very smart. She can point to many things in books and follow directions. She is quick to obey most of the time. She does not have the rebellious streak that most of my boys have had. Instead she is gentle and wants to please. She is always looking to help. She stays with me while I do the dishes and puts things in the dishwasher for me. She goes to get the small broom while I sweep. She tries to sort laundry with me. She likes to imitate when I garden and cook. She is very adamant about helping cook. She can climb up on the barstool by herself and then she gets on the island to look in the pot on the stove to see what is cooking.  If a knife is anywhere near her she will go for it and try to chop vegetables. Her speaking is coming along as well. Her first word was for sure "Shoes" followed by "mom" and "Dad."  She soon learned "baaoo" for bottle, "I-ik" for Eirik, "Noren" for Joren, "Teik" for Teig and "Noo-ee" for Juni. She loves hot dogs which she calls, "ha gog" and pizza, which she can say. For a while she lived on milk, grapes, cheese sticks and raisins alone. Now she likes ham and hot dogs and milk and that's about it. She is incredible at taking any food I give her and spreading it into the most messy possible form. She eats yogurt with her hand and spreads it in her hair. Tonight she chewed and systematically spit out an entire carrot all over the kitchen. I don't think she swallowed any of it. She insists on always dumping her drink in her food. She uses her shirt as her napkin at every meal. I honestly think the only think besides milk and deserts that disappear off her plate are pizza and hot dogs.
With three older brothers she has become very tough. She hardly cries at anything. She always gets in the rumble with the big boys without a worry. She is learning to hit back, unfortunately. She defends herself which sort of makes me proud. She won't be a pushover even though she seems to have my mild, non-confrontational personality.
Over spring break we took the family to a hotel swimming pool. Juni had such a good time. Juni has had her swimming suit with her every minute for 3 weeks since then. She calls it her "im oose" and she has to have her "goggle". At Easter she started carrying around an Easter basket and filling it with her favorite things. In it was always her swimsuit, her goggles, some panties, a plastic lipstick, and an old phone. She won't leave the table or go to bed or get in the car without her basket.
She loves to play on my phone. She has gotten wise lately and knows that if she can ever snag it when I'm not looking she will turn off the sound and hide somewhere and play until I find her. She loves the coloring and doodle apps on my phone. She also loves endless alphabet and Zoola animals. She's learned a lot of animal sounds from that one. She calls a phone an "oaf". In fact, most words she tries to say have the first consonant placed at the end of the word. Many of our conversations in the past month have been about her explaining what things belong to whom in the family. She very concerned that Teig's things are given to him. When she asked me to get the goggles down for her, she had to have Teig's goggles too and she took them to him. She started carrying his underwear and swimsuit around for him as well. (I think she thinks his underwear are his swimsuit.)
While walking around Target one day, Juni started pointing to everything with Anna and Elsa on it. I had never shown her the movie, but Paul had shown her clips on his phone. She was so excited. She started singing, "Let it Go."! I could not believe she remembered that song. This was probably when she was 18 months old! Disneys is pretty clever!  She loves the song and we've had some pretty special full belt duets together since then. I also got her a "Frozen" sippy cup which has been a pretty good help at getting her to drink a green drink in the morning sometimes. (maybe there's a little nutrition in her.) On a different Target trip, around Easter time, we passed a display of large eggs. The boys joked that they were Quetsocoatlus eggs and Juni got her mind set that she had to have one. She insisted on getting out of the cart. I did not know at this point what her fit was about, but I finally let her get down and chased her back 3 or 4 isles to the eggs. She was absolutly infatuated with a big blue egg. I had to buy it because she wouldn't let it out of her grip. She and Teig fought over it the entire way home. At home, the boys all thought it was really funny to tease her by taking it away from her. She lost it, until I came to the rescue and found her a nest for her egg. She loved and cared for her egg. I took a cute picture of her kissing her egg. I honestly think she thought the egg was going to hatch because a few days after she brought it home, she stopped needed it next to her in bed. She loves saying the word egg too. Easter was really fun for how excited she got about eggs!

Imagine if he took that to school!

I took my three boys on a date to the musical Shrek this weekend at the high school. We had such a good time. Since then we've been quoting our favorite line that Lord Farquad's father says to him: "Left you in the woods a child? You were 27 and living in my basement!"

I bought Juni a microphone that plays the song "let it go" from frozen for her birthday. The boys act like they hate it and use it as a secret weapon against each other. This morning Joren was using it against Teig right before school. We said goodbye and he began to walk to school. A few minutes later he opened the door with a disgusted look on his face, threw the microphone and said, "I can't believe I was still holding that!"

TMJ

I've been ignoring the clicking in my jaw for years. I have known I have TMJ but never taken the time to read about it or research treatments, until now. Now that I can't chew anything without discomfort, now that my jaw is locked and will no longer click to a full open, now that biting into a pizza or a sandwich is nearly impossible. I didn't think I would need to get treatment until it was giving me real problems. And now today is the day and I have learned that once a disk has slipped out of place, recapturing that disk is sometimes nearly impossible. I face the possibility of not ever being able to fully open my mouth again.  Now that I've read up on TMJ and all of the symptoms that can develop from it, I am pretty mad at myself for not taking more action sooner. I had no idea I could make a difference early on. I thought I would have to do what my mom and sister did and get braces.  Two orthodontists have told me they can't help me so now I am going to physical therapy and a specialist. I have to hope that the specialist will be able to help.

I don't know why but some days I feel like I'm in a fog and that I'm trying to wade through a million thoughts that never get to a place where I can take action on them. It's like they are a sea of me but the things that are supposed to come to the surface just don't when the time is right. I just have to hope that when I'm resurrected and in a perfect state, I will be a very deep ocean full of wonder.  what I'm saying is that I'm storing it up hoping that the scriptures are true when they say that we will have a perfect recollection of our sins (and hopefully everything else!).  If I seem shallow now, it's because my memory is about 30 minutes long, if that.

Fun Friday

We had such a fun night last night. Paul flew to Miami so I figured I ought to try to help the kids have a good time. We went to the park by the river after school and it was a gorgeous day.  Eirik invited a friend to play baseball. The other three kids and I went down to the river collected sticks and play pirates on a tropical beach.

 It started to rain so we jumped in the car. I didn't feel like going home so we drove in the rain for a few minutes while I thought of what to do. It's spring and so we drove through the countryside and looked at the blooming trees that were magnificent. Our drive led us to McDonald's where my kids thought that I was the queen of the world for buying them hamburgers and ice cream which I hardly ever do.Juni had this little purse with her the entire night. It has two sets of swimming goggles, one set of spyglasses and her own little sunglasses she calls them I'll "goggle".

She's so cute clutching her little purse with her painted nails. The boys were willing to let me stop at home goods to look for a gift for a friend where we all enjoyed the cool sculptures and art. That lasted about seven minutes before Juni started to freak out so we went to Cabelas next door. Eirik picked out a backpack for his birthday which he is been dying to get. The kids loved the camping supplies and we talked about hiking boots for a long time. Juni tried on all the pink camel backs and checked out the pink Keens.

Outside Cabela's there's a great big fire pit and I told the kids some campfire stories before we got in the car.

On the way home we stopped at the youth music project and watched some live performances by teenagers. They have been bags in the front of this beautiful stage where the kids can watch. They loved the musicians. I signed Joren up for drum classes starting in April and Eirik for guitar in April. They are so excited. 

Unfortunately while we were having a great time Paul was stuck in a 6 1/2 hour layover in Dallas because of the snowstorm on his way to Miami. When I talked to him around 2 AM, his time, he was not a happy camper. Especially since he left at 6:30 am our time. 

When I woke up I found Eirik like this. When I checked is the Netflix account he had been watching Spiderman shows for six hours. Perhaps I've been a little too restrictive.? 

St. Mary's Street remodel update

I'm so excited with how this remodel is looking. I've been desperate for photos which my brother finally sent today. Doing the design work and then being far removed from all the work as it takes place is excruciating. I was so happy to see that what I had in my head is starting to take shape in real life. My brothers and parents are doing such a great job. I think this house is going to be gorgeous. 

This is the view into the pantry from the kitchen. It walks all the way through to the mushroom which opens into the garage. This pantry has an extra freezer or fridge. 

This is the mudroom. I've never seen it done but I specified slatwall above the cubbies! So flexible! 

Double sided walk around fireplace with black concrete hearth and rustic wood mantle. 

Super Bowl

Sometimes when you have a house full of boys you make a lot of food you never would have chosen for yourself. Especially on Super Bowl Sunday. This year I tried to be "super" cool and make bacon and cheese wrapped tater tots, cream cheese filled jalapeños wrapped in croissants. Pepperoni wrapped cheese sticks wrapped in croissants, chicken wings, and lots of pop and chips and dip.  These guys don't know how good they have it. The Seahawks lost. boo!!

Princess Juni

This is princess Juni. Juni has her own crib and her own play yard and sometimes lately she has slept in the big guest room bed which is in her room by her crib. We have had company sleeping in the guest bed for 8 days and Juni does not like the play yard anymore. In fact Juni will not tolerate anything except a big nice soft bed like mommy and daddy's bed. However, sleeping next to Princess Juni is like sleeping next to an attacking alligator. She rolls and rolls and rolls and pokes your eyes and sits on your face and pulls your hair and won't stop. So, Paul and I have moved to the couch. I think we'll be finishing our guest bedroom in the basement before we invite company again. In the meantime princess Juni is going to have to learn to sleep in her own room again this week. It may not be a cakewalk at our house this week. I'm predicting more like a lion's den.

Aligning with the Light

It started with a mini break-down. I was struck by the realization that I was not the same as I had been in MI and not in the best way. I had lost some of my confidence and outgoing nature. I realized I had let myself get intimidated by Oregon and this new life. I expected it to be hard for me to fit in, so it had been coming true. I realized that it had been 1.5 years and I was not where I wanted to be socially and emotionally. I told Paul I was lonely.  He told me that if I wasn't happy then it was my fault. If I want something then I need to take it. No one is going to give it to me. Then he pointed out how he was getting everything in life that he wanted because he's been taking it. He's been overwhelmingly successful this year. So proud of him!
This conversation happened about the same time as I was wondering why my brothers weren't out grabbing life by the shoestrings and getting what they want from it. I was also reading some scriptures and was struck by a scripture about faith vs. fear So, I examined my life and realized, quite profoundly that I had opened a little pathway for faith to slip out and fears to slip in. What a difference this paradigm made in my life! While Paul was blossoming, I was fading. I was holding myself back by my own false beliefs. All I had to do to change it was to remind myself that:

"If thou canst believe, all things are 

possible to him that believeth." 

Mark 9:23

"If ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you."

 Alma 32:27

"Cast your eyes about and begin to believe in the Son."

Alma 33: 22

"Today if ye will hear his voice, harden not your hearts; for why will ye die?"

Jacob 6:6

My testimony has not been as strong this year because I had let some doubts from some anti Mormon literature seep into my thinking. There is no doubt that Joseph Smith's story is hard to believe.  People have thrown stones at it from the beginning with so much venomous hate that they even killed him.  I spent time watching videos preachers from other faiths have made against polygamy; I read the beginning of "Rough stone rolling" and talked with some friends who are full of doubts.  Some things they said were like little irritating splinters to my faith. Luckily our spiritual lives are immensely complex and the depth of spiritual knowledge that I have accumulated is rooted deep enough that all these sources I explored and opened my mind to acted only like a drought to my tree of knowledge. It has been a year of withering, yet as soon as I watered my tree with the scriptures and my memories of what I know through my experiences, my strength has come back. I also have wonderful in-laws who spoke to me at length about my concerns and even wrote me a 5 page letter of testimony.  My sister in law Jeanette shared her testimony with me that gave me the footing I needed to get back to the place where the rain (spirit) could seep in. She said that she believes that there is good all over in the world, that most religions have a lot of truth, and we all choose a way to show our devotion. Being true to our chosen way to show God our commitment to him is what makes us a good person.   Going to the temple and keeping the covenants we made there is my way.  Having an accountability in this life is an incredible tool. Having a temple recommend interview every two years is invaluable to helping each of us stay worthy of God's spirit.

I received an incredible gift from my aunt Dyanne for Christmas. For years she has been doing an immense work of gathering every word ever written by my ancestors on the Law side and compiling it into 4 massive books. In preparation for reading them, I thought I should read the history of the church student manual so that I would have a better framework to place all the events of my ancestors into. What a blessing it has been to read this book! I have heard so much negative this year about our church history that it is incredibly refreshing to hear it straight from the source and even if it's buttered over and caulked in, I appreciate reading about the integrity of our leaders from the beginning. I love reading the stories of immense faith and the miracles that followed. I love learning of heros that spent their lives in extraordinary service to God and to man. The selflessness and faith of the early saints is awe inspiring, and to think that my ancestry is a huge part of this story grips me with wonder. 

Whether or not I understand all the details of this church's origin, the truth of God's hand in my life is undeniable. I was literally guided by the hand off a temporary assembly line job at 6:30 AM in the fall of 1997 to UVSC and the institute building where the director of the institute recognized me from meeting me the year before in CO and said he had been expecting me. This was in direct answer to my prayer about where to go to college. I had decided not to go and just to work instead. I testify that my powers alone did not drive me to UVSC that day or get me registered for classes, or get me in-state tuition (still a mystery how I qualified).  I was guided by the hand of God when I had no hand of man to help me. From my time at institute I was healed of spiritual wounds I had acquired and filled with knowledge and faith to prepare me for a life devoted to God. If I had nothing else to testify to me that God is real, this experience alone would be enough.  Gloriously, his hand has been with me ever since. All I have had to do is 'cast my eyes about' to witness His Glory and see his presence in my life.

Last year I was wilting. Deiter F. Uchtorf describes what was happening to me in his Oct. 14 conference talk: Receiving a Testimony of Light and Truth

"If we remove ourselves from the light of the gospel, our own light begins to dim—not in a day or a week but gradually over time—until we look back and can’t quite understand why we had ever believed the gospel was true. Our previous knowledge might even seem foolish to us because what once was so clear has again become blurred, hazy, and distant.

This is why Paul was so insistent that the message of the gospel is foolishness to those who are perishing, “but unto [those who] are saved it is the power of God.”¹⁴

Since I have alligned myself with God again, the belief that through Him all things are possible has allowed me in a short time to begin to blossom again. I am unafraid to make friends, to speak to people I would not have before, to share the gospel, to believe in myself. I noticed my kids were starting to act as if they were afraid of the big bad world. I realized my fears of all the evil in the world was starting to taint their spirits instead of fill them with faith and optimism. And last week I thought to pray to be able to break through my fears of painting and made some huge strides! I also ran my first 5 miles in my life. That was exhilarating. Making my new years resolutions was almost impossible because I was nearly crippled by fear and could not think of what goals I dared to make. With this shift in my life, I have made a big list of goals. I'm excited again. 

God is good. God is Light. God is real. Praise His name!

Watercolor evening

 I had such a wonderful weekend. On Friday night I got to go to a watercolor class downtown at the Christopher David boutique with my lovely friend Pamela Rust. It was a fancy crowd of Portlandia artists types. They served tea and crackers and cheese. It was very hipster. I got some cool supplies, learned some new skills and tried things I had never tried. I never expected to like watercolor that much but it is fun because the materials are so forgiving and easy to use. I could really get into it. I really went to learn more about brush strokes and calligraphy and have fun with Pamela. We talked after about maybe someday hosting our own workshops. It was empowering and I felt like a real person. Thanks to Paul for letting this happen tonight!

New Years Resolutions

New Years Resolutions

Eirik

Get a dog

One pull-up by my birthday

One goal in soccer. Save a goal

 3 runs in baseball

Score a touchdown- pick 6 football

Master spinning roundhouse kick

Swim with nose plugs and goggles

snowboard

Intellectual – read less comic books and graphic novels

Read Garion book by Nov.

Memorize 30 multiplication facts

Start learning acoustic guitar

Study chemistry

Use daily planner

Read all of first Nephi by May- read to Enos by end of year

Pray every morning and night   

Get a new friend

Less bossy-

Be more positive

Joren

40 pushups

Swimming

Basketball

Baseball (maybe)

Run 8 miles

Learn to play electric drum

Read novels – 3

Improve spelling

Count over 100 by 2’s

Learn to draw every tropical bird

Pray every morning and night   

Memorize more scriptures

Get baptized

Get own scriptures

Personal prayer every night

No  more potty words

Keep hands to myself

Crested gecko

Teig

Soccer

Tball

Study science

Learn to read

Learn some math- money

Follow Jesus’s rules

Listen when mom and dad read scriptures

Listen and do what mom and dad say

Paul

Bench press 200

Run 10 miles by Feb.

Size 32 pants

Do a sprint triathalon
Minimize income taxes

Create retirement plan

Finish D & C strong

Finish CME credits

Establish a strong second practice at Adventist

Work on personal prayers

Patience with the children- temperence

 Melody

Enjoy my kids
Read all my family history books
read all my new books from Christmas
talk to God every day
Feed my spirit with enlightening books, conference talks and scripture
talk to a family member at least 2 times a week
talk to a friend at least 2 times a week
be involved at church
plan family vacations ahead of time
go through all my finances at the first of the month
make more food my family likes and less that I like
exercise 2 times a week T, Th and yoga Sat or sunday morning

Art goals: 

Design a house or two.
Go to painting classes every week that I can
Paint:
1. Bird/ animal series inspired by deer on huge canvas- pop- like my owl- layers
2. Work on my temple idea so that I can knock them out pretty easily
3. Learn to paint landscapes like Michael Orwick
4. Try a portrait with flowers around it like Cassandra Barney- use sketches of kids with animal hats-
5. work on calligraphy
6. Do at least one plein air painting this summer
Re-Learn Auto CAD
Learn illustrator
Get a great family photo taken
Buy some art for my house (or make some!)
Buy marquis A for mantle
Buy a piece of art, or make one for Amy and Adam
Make Joren’s banner
Start formulating ideas for large quilts for all the boys beds
Get a charger for my camera (and perhaps a lens?)

Christmas Lists

I always think it's fun to see what my kids will wish for at Christmastime. This year

Eirik asked for: A Bear Grills survival knife
2. Camelback
3. A cabellas gift card
4 Stuffed animal -wolf
5. anything camo
6. snowboarding gear
7. gun -22
8. dog
9. nike fuel band

Joren asked for :
1. A pet newt
2. cabellas sleeping bag
3. weaving stuff
4. clay

I asked for a new van, a freezer and a Christmas wreath and yoga mats for the kids.
Eirik said, "wow mom, expect to be dissappointed at Christmas this year!"
I know, it was a huge list. Our van did die though, the week before Christmas and it was not repairable so we bought a new one. We did buy a freezer, and it's a lucky thing we did because a few days later, our fridge that came with our house, died. Also, not repairable. We were able to put all the food in the new freezer and get a new fridge. (A stainless one to replace the old black one. bummer.) :)