;)

"I bet you are sick of telling me to do things." Joren

Alex, Mark, Brown Swing

Joren told his teacher his name was Alex. He has written Alex on every paper since the beginning of the year. He tells his classmates to call him Alex, and this week he decided he was Mark. We called him Mark for a few days. Yesterday the principle called me and told me Mark was in the office because he had been running and hitting in the classroom. His teacher emailed me and told me he was melting into the floor like a puddle and would not get up, then at one point was bashing into her with his head, then he hid under her desk and would not come out. Today he sneaked his monkey shaped backpack into his real backpack to school.  It has a tail coming out the back that works as a leash. He wore it around at school and told everyone his name was Brown Swing. When he got home he told me I had to take him on a walk. I told him I would take him if he asked me nicely. On our brisk autumn walk he was barefoot with rolled up pants and no shirt and his monkey backpack. He walked on all fours the whole way and only responded to Brown Swing.  He changes clothes everyday the minute he gets home. Usually he puts on a ninja outfit or camo. His dad bought him new camo pants on Saturday so now he doesn't have to wear his pj's or shorts when he wants camo, so I'm afraid he will live probably in them constantly. He loves tank tops and headbands. Today he screamed at me and told me he was going to dye his hair black and there was nothing I could do about it.  He always tells me what he is going to do instead of asking if he can.  He often tells me what he needs and it's usually outrageous things like a podometer or something. He says it like I'm denying him water. I think he's angry and I don't know why. We started playing band yesterday and he got to be director. He loved it because he got to use his whistle to count us in or make us stop. He loved having people listen to him and having a little power. I think that is the real problem. He wants more choices and more power. He probably feels pretty powerless and I do tell him what to do all the time.

Tor

Tor has gone to live with another family, and it has been an enormous trial for two members of our family.  They miss him tremendously. It is like saying goodbye to a sibling or son who has died they say. It hurts, very bad. It is a gaping hole and a wound I feel I have inflicted. I see their sadness and suffering. I hurt for it too. I wonder if I will ever be truly forgiven and I have been told that I probably wont. I never insisted he go to another home, but I was never able to create an accepting environment for the him. I made it clear daily, even when I committed to be kind and accepting, that I did not want him around. I lived with him and continually felt the guilt of him knowing I was not accepting of him. He is all good, all pure kindness. He was all love and that makes it even worse that I could never be the woman I wanted to be and accept him as part of the family. I am sad for my boys. I am sad that I could not make it work out for everyone. I feel bad that I finally put myself first and asked for what I wanted.  I love my boys and hate to see them sad.  I don't miss Tor's mess or the constant struggle it was to have him. I love that he is in a home where everyone there loves him. I know he would be better off with Paul, his true love and true master. I see the loss in Paul and I hate that it was because of me. I hate that he is sad. Life is much less beautiful when they are sad.

"You can soft me if you want to." (pet) Tieg

Teigs spiritual development

Durrung prayer: "Thanks that Heavenly Father is giant and big to help protect us." Teig
"did you know that Jesus created us? And he wused superglue to glue our heads on and unuver super glue to glue our eyes on and unuver super glue to glue our teeth on and unuver superglue to glue our hair on.....(and on through all the body parts up to glueing our body on). and he made us!"

She-ra Miss Softy Pants -the Hamster

Eirik finally got his long awaited pet hamster. I wanted to wait until Christmas but to tell you the truth, I couldn't listen to his persistent begging anymore. You should have seen all their ecstatic faces!

Joren

I don't want to have kids. They will eat all of my yoghurt.

October 2013

We remodeled Paul's office this weekend. After a year of planning for this, it is finally here!!
Installation about did me in!  I have been really stressed! I have needed help really bad the past two weeks. I have had everyone and their dog help tend my kids. I hired nanny's off the internet and the second counselor in my bishopric even watched them one night. Embarrassing and crazy! I am so excited to finally have it done. It looks really good. Before and after shots are upcoming!
We have one more weekend of hard work on it.

My parents bought a house in Lake Oswego to fix and sell. It was a huge mess and we gutted it down to studs in a lot of places. They hired me to design it and they have let me choose just about every single thing in the whole house. Amazing! It has been a tremendous amount of work to try to do this in a very short time frame on top of the office remodel, relief society and, did I mention I have 4 children and a nursing baby. Am I crazy?! Two of my brothers came from Utah to work here on it. They are living in the house while they work.  It has been really fun to work with my family and to get to see my brothers more.   I am really excited to see this house take shape and see how all of my ideas turn out. I can't believe I get to be the one to choose everything! We agreed on a nice hourly wage, but I told them I don't even care if they pay me. I'm just so excited to see how it all turns out.

I have big, happy and very sad news. Paul gave Tor to a nurse that he works with. It has been 1 1/2 weeks. Eirik cries about every other day. Paul has been really depressed. He is in mourning. It has been very hard for them and since they are in so much pain I feel terrible.  But, secretly, between you and me, I am doing cartwheels every day!

Juni is crawling and will cut her first tooth this week. She is getting more and more gorgeous every day. Her brothers adore her.

It's been great to see my family more, but I need to start to learn to say no. I am really loosing my hair. I mean handfulls of it. I have been too stressed and not sleeping. Juni has kept me up a lot lately and I am just running nonstop during the days. I can't keep up. I have to slow it down. Eirik told me that he feels like I care more about Dad's office and Grandpas house than him. It's not fair to my kids. It's hard for me. I'm too selfish. I want to work, and I just can't do anymore. I have to stop. I'm sad, but I just can't do it. No more projects once these are done! (you should see the wreck of my house!) I spent hours today picking up the house after last weeks whirlwind of babysitters and late nights working. 

The office is making money and I think Paul is happy at work. He had to let a couple of people go, but he has hired a few new people that are working out great. He has been sad at the anniversary of his dad's death Oct. 4th and loosing Tor. It's been a rough month for him, and seminary every morning is a challenge, but we are pushing through. He is such a good man.

Eirik is in Tae Kwon Do and moved up his first belt rank last weekend. Uncle Michael was in town to come watch. Eirik was really proud. It was a fun celebration and Eirik loves breaking his boards and getting trophies!

Joren has the most amazing kindergarten teacher. I mean, I am so impressed I absolutly can't say how fantastic she is. She brought me to tears at parent teacher conference talking about how much she loves our Joren and how she can see him down the road winning awards for his movies or books or whatever he does. She recognizes how creative he is and how deep he goes in his thinking and imagination. She made me fall in love with my Joren all over again. Her compassion and enthusiasm for teaching and children put me to shame and opened my eyes and made me excited to be better. What a great woman!

Teig is sugar. He is gorgeous! His little bottom lip is so sweet. He says the most astute and comprehensive things. His ability to express, explain and rationalize is way beyond a typical 3 year old. He really understands things. He is highly intelligent. He is rough and tumble, unafraid of anything, keeps up with his brothers even when they do things 3 year olds should never do. He misses them when they go off to school and cries hard if he does not get to say goodbye to them before they leave. He works hard playing by himself when they are gone and can entertain himself for hours. He loves his dinosaurs. He loves cars. He loves learning shows on TV. He is not demanding. He is kind and compassionate. I am continuously impressed by him.  I am so lucky to be his mom.