I thought about calling Paul today to tell him to pick a favorite because the rest of the kids weren't making it through the day. I hosted a dinner for the missionaries and two other temporary bachelors in the ward Monday night. On Tuesday night I hosted a baby shower for a girl in the ward that really needed a shower and everyone loves her, but for some reason no one was planning her shower, so I volunteered. I CAN NOT host things like this at my house anymore! i just can't do it. I was stupid to do it. I worked my tail off for days to get ready for these events and then my kids were terrors today. They need a lot more direct attention than I can give when I need to get the house clean for company. It is AMAZING how naughty they get when they do not get the attention they want. Yesterday as I was trying desperately to get the house presentable, Teig spilled a 2 liter bottle of sand all over the floor in the kitchen while simultaneously Joren is flooding the downstairs bathroom. As I was cleaning those messes up Joren went upstairs and spilled an entire bottle of bubble bath all over the bathroom. At the same time, Eirik is changing into his 3rd ninja costume of the day therefor his room was an explosion of clothes and accessories. They really do not know how to enter a room without leaving a major trail of stuff behind them. When I start a project or something for them they are entertained for about 2 minutes and then leave the mess. I had to pack them all in the car and kill time at the park until Paul got home because I could not clean up one more mess. I didn't know if I was emotionally going to be able to handle a party at all because I was so frustrated with these kids. After two days of not having mom's full attention, today was hideous. Eirik woke up contentious. When he is in that mood everything is a fight. Everything I say he contradicts. Therefor I spent a lot of time today silent and walking away from situations. It was one of those days where the moment I paste back on a smile I get kicked in the face again. (Actually I literally did get kicked in the face 3 times today, 2 times at the park and one time trying to put Joren to bed. I have a fat lip from the 2nd one.) At the park today after Joren threw a big stick at Eirik and made his head bleed, which is of course stimulus for an enormous 5 year old meltdown, Joren insisted on walking along the bank of this fast moving stream. The bank which overhung the water by 4 or 5 feet was soft from lots of rain and he was right on the edge. I was holding Teig and saw that Joren was planning to climb on this log that overhung the water but was certainly not solid. I begged him to forget his plan but he was set, so I resorted to groveling. I said, "Ok, we are going to the car to get ice cream. That's when you know I am at my whits end; when I reward extremely bad behavior with ice cream. It was all I had left. Then of course I had a major battle with Eirik on the way to the car because he was insisting on bringing about 8 sticks with us in the car. 1 was twice his size. There is a long standing rule that no sticks can come in the car, but of course he picked today to battle. So I sat down and waited until he decided to keep the rules. I waited on the grass for about 20 minutes. Man he is stubborn, and I still ended up with one stick in the car. Sometimes I hate loosing to them all the time. I just wanted to drop kick Eirik today. When he fell asleep in the car on the way home I felt fine for the first time all day. When we got home I rode bikes with Joren out front for 30 min while the other 2 slept. It was the best part of the day, and then Eirik woke up and my happy went all away again. He said he was a wolf and was going to stay up all night. I told him my giving tank was empty and if he did not book it up the stairs he was not going to want to see what was at the bottom of my tank. Luckily Paul was home and saved the day.
I did 5 food orders on Mon and Tues too and on Sunday I spent all day at the church making visiting teaching changes. I left for church at 7:30 and got home at 4:00. My kids/ my family and I are all suffering because I am working too hard at church. I am feeling angry that I feel spread too thin. I know I should not have volunteered so much and I need to say no more. I feel I need to serve. My compassionate service leader is gone for the next 3 weeks and we have two sisters in intensive care and 2 sisters about to have babies. My secretary is in another state with her baby who is getting surgery and will need help when she gets back and my 1st counselor is on full time care helping her sick husband. I have called a new 1st counselor but she is not yet sustained and Claudia is not yet released. Jenny, my second counselor has been out of town for a month and a half and he husband just got called to the bishopric. I have been without a visiting teaching coordinator for 2 months and I can't seem to get anyone called to fill all the positions that we need people for. I turn in names and then wait and wait and wait. I feel like I am doing so much by myself. Wow, I sound like a big complainer. I'm just sayin'- things have to change. I can't do it like this anymore. Something has to give.
Tonight I took Teig on a bike ride and we sat on the cement pylons overlooking the river and watched the sun go down. It was actually kind of scary sitting over the water like that with a baby so I only stayed a few minutes, but the sunset was very pretty and the bike ride was wonderful. I love our island and I was able to tune out the anger I had for Eirik and think a little more clearly for a bit. I have been thinking a lot about sense of place, what it means to belong to a place or live somewhere. It's amazing how our feeling about a place can change in a moment, and how the way we feel can change drastically even street to street or room to room. Driving into a certain neighborhood can feel totally different than the street you were on before. The spirit can be in one room and then completely gone next door. As I was thinking about this I began to wonder if maybe the spirit is not "a" spirit, but many spirits, maybe the spirit is actually our ancestors looking out for us, listening and taking our prayers to God or through the ranks of important people up to God. Surely there is organization in heaven as well. Then it occurred to me that the scriptures say that the sins of our parents will be upon us up to seven generations. Maybe our ancestors can only look out for us according to their valiance or the amount of stewardship that they earned. Maybe the more faithful you are on earth, the better "spirit helper" you can be to your children. why is it that we have such an intense fear of what is on the other side. We are told so much about what is there; enough that we should not be terrified. It is a good place and God is good, but so often we pretend it is not there. Our prayers are thoughtless or faithless or without sincere questions. I wonder how purposeful I am in my prayers and if I could be more faithful how readily personal revelation could come to me. Paul and I have been praying about where to move in two years. We have been making spread sheets, talking to everyone we know on the phone and studying the maps. We have been weighing out all the pros and cons and discussing it in all our free time. (that's not a lot of time actually. :) I'll have to write it all out on a later post, but after we study it out more, I feel like I wont' be able to move forward with this huge decision until I feel I have a spiritual confirmation. It's the place we plan to be for the rest of our lives! It feels permanent and unchangeable in many ways. We have to make a good choice.
Melody- I am sorry for your horrible day!! I have had many similar. It's hard feeling helpless and out of control. When I moved here I asked the woman across the street how she handled her kids because she has 5 and I thought they were pretty well behaved. She told me of this book called, "1, 2, 3, Magic."
ReplyDeleteShe lent it to me and I read it all before I tried to implement it. After I read it I was a little afraid of starting because I knew I had to be consistent or it wouldn't work at all.
I really recommend it. It's kind of what parents to when they say 1,2,3 to their kids but most of the time nothing happens when they get to 3 so the kids NEVER care or listen. But this book says - you ask them not to do something- if they do it again you say, "that's a one" you wait a few seconds, if they keep doing it you say "that's a two." wait a few more seconds and if they continue to do it you say " that's a three." and immediately give them a consequence. most of the time it's time out.
You give them time out for how old they are. 5 yr olds get 5 minutes. etc.
With my kids if they don't go to their room when I tell them to I pick them up and take them there and then they get twice as long. An I lock the door. and I set the timer.
The key is to always -if you count them, have a plan of what will happen when you get to 3. and Always follow through!!
If they know you mean business they will stop at 1 or 2. but if they don't believe you they will always wait a see if you'll do it.
Sometimes when we're at a public place I just count with my fingers- not audibly, and they know not to do it.
You should read the book but that's the gist.
I had Adam read it too and asked mom and dad to "count my kids" too if they were there.
I still have some struggles with my kids and I feel like I have to redefine the rules, and reassert myself but I am soooo much happier, my children obey - especially when it's important.
I know that when they aren't obeying it's because I haven't been being consistent.
And I have to reprove that I mean it!
I know this is a huge explanation- I hope you don't feel bad that I told you. I am just so thankful my neighbor helped me be in charge again.
And you can too - you have to show your kids that you are in charge not them.
I've never had boys- I know they're different but you can still let them be boys but have them obey when you say no sticks in the car or no climbing on the log by the scary river etc.:)
I love you. Good luck I wish I lived by you to help with your parties and kids.
Amy