Imagination station

Skate park

The boys have been cooped up inside way too much. Joren was dying to try his new skateboard on the ramps. He was pretty disappointed that it was harder than he thought but I think he will keep it up. We all had a good time.

Every Knee Shall Bow

I finally finished this painting that i have procrastinated forever! I tried to make the designs in the stripes all symbolic. What do you think?

Potty trained!

Getting ready for valentines day

I feel like I am in the long stretch now. 5 weeks until my due date seems like a million years. Juniper is very active. Which means she never stops squirming. I think she wants to come out as much as I want her to. I held a newborn at a baby shower the other day and got even more excited. I just can't wait to have her in my arms, (and get my body back). I feel like a cripple hobbling uncomfortably around. I started wearing Paul's sweats last week an have barely taken them off. I have nothing else that does not hurt to wear. My hips just hurt. I can't imagine how hard it would be to have to carry around a lot of extra weight all the time. I have a lot more empathy now. I just keep telling myself that this is the last month of my life that I will be pregnant and to enjoy this amazing (painful) journey.
I have been trying to plan fun things I have to do every week to make the time pass faster. I threw a birthday party luncheon for my friend Britni last week. I worked like crazy to get this house clean and pretty. It was so nice to reclaim my house for a moment. It's impossible to think I can keep it clean like that for long. I tried for a few days after the party and realized I was killing myself and resenting my family so life went back to a less stringent standard. It makes me feel like a failure but I have to let it go or go crazy. It was fun to have so many of my friends come over for the party and the food was very tasty. I made this delicious chocolate cake which I can't wait to make again.
Decorating for valentines day is always fun. I love our mailboxes. The kids think I should put something in them everyday. That's some pressure but how fun to exchange love notes for two weeks. My Joren told me last night that he would never love me less. Teig tells me every night "I wuv ooo o much mom" he is delightful in everyday right now. Really , he could not be more amiable, kind, easily entreated, tidy, reasonable, considerate and cute. I never imagined a 2 year old could ever be so fun to be around. I am so lucky. And, our awesome little Teig is mostly potty trained this week. We are on our 4th day and no accidents yesterday. I am so proud of him. His brothers told him that his underwear are called super dupes. He never wants to get his super dupes wet. So cute!

Living in the Moment

48 days until I hold baby Juni (or thereabout), and 151 days until we load the moving truck... but who's counting right? 
When we thought we were moving our practice, we had so much to plan ahead for that we were full speed planning.  I did not want to have to be sorting things and doing big home projects with a brand new baby and all kinds of business in Oregon to perform at the last minute, so I got into planning and doing gear EARLY.  Probably too early because now I am seriously preoccupied.  5 days ago the moving process became so much more simple and manageable, but my mind is already spinning with nesting, sorting, stocking up, getting rid of, packing the truck in my mind, while getting ready to have a baby.  Stuff.  and more stuff.  Stuff that is not that important, but becomes such a big headache when I am consumed with it. 
My garage is getting stuffed with the things from my house that we are leaving or selling in a few months.  I am trying to use up our food storage and sort through all the clothes and go through cupboards and toys and weed our loads of stuff down to a much smaller load.  We do want to fit it all in one truck.  When we moved here we fit in an apartment and had one baby.  Now we have 4 kids and a dog and a huge fish tank and a huge TV, and a motorcycle and tons more kid stuff.  We are giving away a lot of our furniture.. .like most of it.  We found a really wonderful family that might rent our house, which means they would get our play structure and the slide we built in the basement, and I would not have to repaint the mural in the kids room.  Not to mention, I will not have to show the house to prospective buyers starting in March when I will be having a baby, which my landlord will have me do if we do not find renters.  Possible, but not fun!  If they do rent our house, it will be a great blessing and relief!  Every day I look around my house and think; how did we get so much stuff???  And then my boys beg Paul to take them to the dollar store.  Ahhh.  No more stuff! (But just when I think we can not get one more thing, I think of 10 more things we really could use.. like some baby girl clothes, a pair of sweat pants for my bulging body, shampoo, mascara, an onion... you know how the list builds, and off I go to the store.  I limit myself.  I go to the store Monday morning for groceries and perhaps a trip to Michaels or Home Depot or the pet store during the week.  Target once a month for  diapers, and a clothing store maybe once every other month.  I am not a shopper.  I actually don't get out much.  I don't feel like I spend much on shopping, but how do we have so much stuff??
Anyway, I am trying to live in the moment and not let the next 151 days be all about thinking about that truck and that house we might buy and how I will never live in wonderful MI again.  The days pass one at a time as I try to ignore this torrential river of emotion surrounding this big move.  I am trying to spend a lot of time with my close friends, knowing I will miss them so much.  I know I will never be with so many other medical school wives that have been such a comfort and support to me.  I guess I won't go in that direction.  Listen to me, I'm already mourning and I have 151 days to enjoy living near them. 
All of this medical school process should have taught me one thing: to trust the Lord, and I still fill myself up with anxiety about unnecessary things.  So what if it does not all fit in the truck.  Who cares.  We will leave some things behind that we did not plan to, strap some things on the van and no big deal.  I will keep in touch with my friends.  Many of them call Utah home base and we will see each other there.  There are no real goodbyes anyway.  We will all make new friends.  We will have a great trip across the country this summer.  It will be a vacation.  We will not race there, but enjoy a long journey across the beautiful United States.  We have been approved for loans that now far exceed our needs since we are not building out the space, and we are confident we will be able to pay them back rather quickly.  So why stress about a dollar here or there?  In the end it is the love we show that counts, not the pennies saved or the stuff we got to take.  I want everything packed just right, but if it all gets thrown in haphazard, why is that so bad?  Why should that give me nightmares.  It's just stuff.  The Lord will provide.  If we lost it all, the Lord would provide.  I know that is true.  I must stop worrying.  I promise right now that I will not start packing a month early.  That is ridiculous.  I want to, but I will not.  I will not.  I guess I will have to keep telling myself that.  Do I need another project to keep me busy, to stop me from obsessing about this move???? :) 

No such thing as LUCK.

I have not journaled anything in so long that I feel out of practice.  I probably should do a brief catch up on the events of the past few months.  I am 33 weeks pregnant with our little Juniper Gayle.  She moves and squirms and kicks constantly, keeping my mind always preoccupied with my excitement for her arrival.  48 days and counting to her due date of March 8th.  Is it unusual that her due date is Eirik's birthday?  When we told Eirik, he responded like a true gentleman.  He said, "what better birthday gift could I ask for than a new sister?  Then he planned his birthday party to be a baby party with pictures of newborns all over and party favors all about babies.  Since that declaration 5 months ago he might have slightly changed his tune, but all three boys are gripped with excitement to have a sister.  Teig loves to lift my shirt and say "Hi baby Juni!" 
My third trimester has been surprisingly good.  Since I discovered a sleeping trick, I have been able to wake up without my hips giving in to the first several steps which has been a great blessing.  I wear out more quickly and take it easy, but I have little pain and I have been in very good spirits, especially considering that it is Jan 19th, a typically hard month for me. 
We have had another extremely mild winter so far.  We had a brief snowfall on the eve of Christmas, and one slightly larger one the first week of Janurary where we were able to build a snowman and make angels, but it melted fast and we even had a weekend of 40 degree sunny weather after that.  There has been quite a bit of sun.





 
I am growing my hair out.  It's quite long for me at almost shoulder length.  I spend a good deal of time trying to make it look fuller and not stringy, but I am pleased that with effort it looks better than I ever thought longish hair could look on me.  I feel more feminine, which is fun, especially with a baby girl on the way. 
My friend Jen Johnson gave me 4 big bags of baby girl clothes last night.  What a blessing!  I have bought a few things at mom2mom sales, but only one new article of clothing so far.  I have such an aversion to light pink that I have struggled even finding newborn things I actually like very much for a girl.  I get excited about dressing her when I think of cream and white and neutral and grey colored ruffles in abundance.  Maybe some accents of mustard and turqouise in small amounts.  That's pretty much as "typically feminine" as I can get at this point.  My poor Juni; she will want pink and I will say, "sorry, it doesn't come in pink."  Sorry, little Juni, mommy is mean and does not like that yucky color.  Why oh why am I so difficult?  I wish I could spend my time sewing her lots of ruffled things, but I am not yet at that point.  My time has been occupied with the exciting move to Oregon in our near future.  At this point, I need to do a recap of all the events of our relocation drama. 
We began deciding where to move last Jan.  We decided, after scrupulous searching, prayer and hesitation (on my part) to select Oregon.  I had to take a few months to mourn the realization that I would never live near my mom and dad unless they move to me.  I hate it, and vow to visit Utah regularly from the move on.  Next, Paul went to Oregon to meet with several doctors that were considering selling their practices.  We selected 2 to try to purchase.  After more study, we decided to purchase just one, Dr. Goodkin's practice in Clackamas, Or.  We learned that if we wanted his practice, we would have to move it to a new location that we would have to build out.  His lease would be up on June 1st.  Paul's residency would not be over until July 1st.  We would have to purchase the practice in Feb. in order to get a loan in time to sign a lease on a new space and begin building it out to fit our new practice by May 20, when we would fly out and move the practice over.  from Feb to July, we would be in charge of all the finances of the business and we would be paying Dr. Goodkin to run the practice while we lived 35 driving hours away.  In June, after the practice was moved, Dr. Goodkin would have to continue to run the practice for another month, while Paul finished his residency.  The accounting was to determine the purchase price, reimbursements for Dr. Goodkin's time, tax complications, and all the other legal details was a nightmare, but we proceeded.  We found a great space in the building adjacent to Dr. Goodkin's.  Paul and I flew to OR together in November and we met with the leasing agency, several banks about a loan, a builder and an architect that we had selected, and we began the design process.  I presented all the materials and the look and feel of the office along with about 6 floorplan models we had come up with to the architect.  He took a couple days to present a floorplan that we adjusted several times until we were pleased with it.  I got to work on all the finish drawings and planning the cabinetry, selecting hardware, lighting and signage.  We began working on a new logo.  Things were progressing, but we became frustrated by all the difficulties settling on a purchase agreement.  Our lawyer fees began to be (in my opinion) enormous as we debated back and forth.  The leasing agency seemed to be dragging their feet and we could not seem to get any documents signed.  Several times during the process, we began to feel that we were on the wrong track and wondered if we should pull out.  Then in mid December, we got a very surprising email from the leasing agency telling us that Clackamas county, that had been planning to take over the existing Goodskin Dermatology space, was hesitating to sign the documents and that there was a very small chance that we might actually be able to stay in the current location.  They reiterated that it was a very small chance, but that we should know the possibility before we proceeded.  We were faced with the question of proceeding with architectual drawings/ fees, building fees and lawyer fees, or asking everyone to stop progress and wait with us, just on the off chance that we could stay which could put us behind and delay our move date.  We decided to hold the reins and wait.  Waiting was difficult.  Each day we worried that we were delaying too long.  Jan 11 was supposed to be the date we would know by, but it came and went.  Then on Jan 14 we finally got the call, and the news was great!  We could stay!  Up until the last minute we thought we might still move.  After all, the new space was going to be beautiful.  We had it planned down to small details.  We were excited about it and felt it gave us a wonderful fresh start.  There were lots of advantages to the new space, especially more exam rooms and a better aesthetician's area.  But, when we realized how much money we could save and with that money saved, we could feel comfortable enough to consider buying a house, we both thought that would be a lot better.  We were able to negotiate some TI money to remodel the existing space so we still get to use all the materials we chose.  We both breathed huge sighs of relief.  Not only did we not have to do a buildout, but we did not have to get the loan so early, or purchase and own the practice before we actually live in Oregon.  And, now we can buy a house!  It's amazing and we feel so blessed!  We can move mid June and have a couple of weeks to get settled before Paul gets to start being the owner and boss of our own business full time!  We still have so much to do to prepare, but now we feel like we can do it with ease compared to the pressure of the first plan.
When Paul and I went to Oregon in November I went a day earlier than he did because he had a test in San Diego.  On that day, Jeanette and Patty drove me all around the city.  I got to see a lot of the areas that I had not seen before.  When Paul flew in that night I told him I thought we ought to look at West Linn because of its proximity to the practice and to our family.  I would like to live in the neighborhood where Ben and Kim live.  I would like to live next door to Pat and John, but both Paul and I have grown tired of a 1 hour each way commute.  West Linn is 20-30 min from his work and 20-30 min from our family.  We said a prayer the next morning as we made our plans for the day.  In the prayer I told Heavenly Father that we thought we ought to check out the West Linn ward that day.  The minute I said the words, "West Linn", we both were overcome with the spirit.  It was one of the clearest spiritual messages I have ever received.  Paul said, "well that settles it.  We will move to West Linn." We went to the ward that day and after sacrament meeting the bishop and the Relief Society president found us right away and welcomed us and answered all of our questions. If we have been unsure about other decisions along the way, at least we can feel sure about this one decision. 
Paul has liked the idea of West Linn since early last year and I have had objections to it because of its reputation. It is a very well off area.  The homes are large.  The schools are some of the best in the country.  In all truth, it is a dreamy place to live.  I will admit it, I fear prosperity.  I fear abundance.  I abhor waist and excess when so many in the world have nothing.  Living in an area that is one of the richest cities in Portland, which is one of the most sought after cities in the country, which is one of the wealthiest countries in the world, makes me nervous.  I have always said that raising entitled, ungrateful over consuming children is one of my greatest fears.  About this issue, I know I am a bit extreme, I am a bit irrational and a bit crazy.  I get really uncomfortable in Costco.  I go to my children's classrooms and just cringe as they throw out so much that is untouched, reusable and recyclable.  The waist to me is overwhelming.  This article states that we throw away 40% of the food we produce in the US.  That does not surprise me at all, but it saddens me when so many people are hungry.  The waist in our home is more like 5% because I am scrupulous and a bit ridiculous.  I want my children to be hard workers, to realize how good they have it, and to be willing to give back to society because they have been given so much.  I have to check myself all the time because it causes me to have a tendency to be withholding with my children.  The scriptures clearly teach us that God is not withholding, but delights to bless us when we are righteous.  I feel like we have been abundantly blessed this year and to not pass on that abundance to my children is a crime.  I have not learned the right balance yet.  I also just finished reading the Book of Mormon this month which will make anyone double check where they are in the pride cycle if they have any wisdom at all.  It only takes one generation of entitled selfishness to lead a people steeply down.  The end of the Book of Mormon shows millions of people destroy each other because of their pride and rejection of righteousness and yet Moroni reminds us to have hope and joy and comfort in Christ.  In Alma 50: 22 it says: "And those who were faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord were delivered at all times, whilst thousands of their wicked brethren have been consigned to bondage, or to perish by the sword, or to dwindle in unbelief, and mingle with the Lamanites.

 23 But behold there never was a ^ahappier time among the people of Nephi, since the days of Nephi, than in the days of Moroni, yea, even at this time, in the twenty and first year of the reign of the judges."  

I have to remember that being prosperous does not mean wickedness, it means happiness.  We just have to remain in a state of righteousness.  Just like poverty does not mean wickedness or righteousness, prosperity does not always mean wickedness.  I have to get this straight in my head.  I think of wealth as a sin sometimes because of all those that don't have it and suffer.  To be wealthy when others are not feels wrong.  I guess that's why God created the law of consecration and I will be so glad to live it one day.  Until then, I hope I can learn to be more generous and kind, to not hoard away money and goods because of a fear of scarcity and unrest.  I want to be prepared, but not afraid.  I want to live in West Linn, but take my children to work in orphanages in underprivileged countries and make them read a lot and give to those who need freely.  I look forward to having more to give and doing lots of good with the money that we bring in. I hope we can be a real force for good. 

To prepare to be the owner of his own practice, Paul has been pouring over business and leadership books.  He is always with book in hand.  He is a fine leader now, but I know he will only continue to improve.   He has a great desire to be good and I respect him tremendously.  We have grown a lot as a couple this year. 

Paul took his mock board exams a few months ago.  He scored second best in the whole country!  I am so proud of him.  His program director told Paul he was the luckiest ___ in the world.  It was not the kind of comment meant to make Paul feel good, rather, it he had malicious intentions, as usual.  Paul has learned to let these comments slide off his back, but this was sliding slowly when a card from my mom and dad came in the mail to congratulate Paul on his great success.  My parents had not heard about the luck comment, but had independently chosen a Star Wars card that talks to you when it opens and it says, "In my estimation, there is no such thing as LUCK!"  It made both of us tear up at its appropriateness to the moment and it's kindness.  I know there is no such thing as luck.  Paul has worked so hard and has earned the companionship of the spirit and we have been blessed by the Lord.  There has been no luck in this process, just a LOT of hard work and abundant blessings. 

Bear story

"Can I tell you a story about a bear? Upon a time ver was a bear in your room and it was dark in ver. Ve bear said roar and you poked vem in ve eye! Bears eat fish and evryfing. Now it's bedtime. Goodnight." Teig

Joren

When I grow up I want to be a centaur.

I'm intelligent.

Joren: "Mom, I'm intelligent. That means I'm flexible."

Thanksgiving

 

We got to celebrate Thanksgiving this year at the Balmforth's house with some of our favorite people.  The Walkers, Davis's and the Miners.  There were lots of children, games and plenty to eat.  Paul and I brought 2 deserts, appetizers and a veggie platter.  It was a little strange to not cook all day before and during thanksgiving this year.  It was almost like it was way too easy.  It was a good break after getting ready for Joren's birthday.  It was relaxing and fun.  Paul did an amazing rendition of a Queen song on Rock Band.  Seriously, he was incredible! 

Reflecting on what I am thankful for this year makes me awe struck.  It's remarkable to think about all the luxuries we enjoy that literally most of the world throughout history has not enjoyed.  Just the basics of health, freedom and safety make me overwhelmed with gratitude.  At a time when many countries have displaced civilians, bombing, and constant anxiety for the future day to day, we enjoy warmth and comfort and constant entertainment with abundance.  I know how easily it can be taken away and with that knowledge I am so aware of the fragility of our blessed circumstances.  I thank the Lord for giving us all we have and pray we work to not be slothful servants in His sight.

My Joren is 5 years old

 

Joren made planning his birthday really easy this year.  He told us exactly what he likes: mountain men, Native American stuff, fishing, hunting, trapping, weapons, outdoor adventures, Teepees.. you get the idea. 

  

 

I ordered Joren a new costume and Paul and I made him a teepee to play in.  His friends came dressed in western gear.  Paul took them out back to learn to fish in our pond, set snares in the forest and start a fire in our fire pit.  It was really cold so we enjoyed that fire for a few minutes and then ran in to get warmer.  We decorated and made our own headdresses with out own Indian names, and then made little paper teepees. While the kids carved things out of ivory soap with plastic knives, we taught them about people in the old west. 
For our "cakes, I stuffed cake in ice cream cones decorated like teepees and then served them with big scoops of ice cream on top.  The boys liked making the frosting indian villiage with me. 

Joren loved his new mess kit, tomahawk, dream catcher, davy Crocket book and teepee.  We ended the day by reading the last chapter of "Where the Red Fern Grows".  It was a big book for our littles, but we think they were ready for it.  Eirik had a lot of trouble with the end and sobbed for a long time about those poor dogs.  Joren doesn't sprout tears, but he ruminates over things in other ways.  We had a lot of discussion about life and death and how things work in life. 
It was a pretty special day and Joren felt like a king.  He kept saying, "It's my birthday!"  It was fun to spoil him and try to show him just how special he is to us.

Tae Kwon Do Tournament

The boys get to participate in a Tae Kwon Do Tournament for charity every Christmastime.  We donate one toy per kid and then the kids get to beat up on instructor Bill and earn trophies.  Each boy did a teriffic job learning all their moves and testing in front of a big crowd.  I loved seeing their proud faces, especially when it came time for them to kick a board in half. Eirik did a jump snap kick and broke two boards at once.  He was the only kid in his group to choose to break two at a time and he was competing against blue belts, which is the rank above him.  He was clearly the first place winner and the crowd loved him.  Their instructors don't want our boys to move because they are great students.  Eirik and Joren think their trophies are the best things they own! 

 here's this weird guy in the back polishing all the trophies.

Cute friends

This morning my friend Erin dropped off her kids at our house to catch an airplane before it was light outside. We layed Sammy in a pack and play in Teigs room hoping they would go back to sleep. It worked for a minute but pretty soon I heard some little voices and what they said were so cute. "Sammy" "what?" daddy horse poop". "what? "Sammy." "what?" "dinosaurs sleeping. Ha ha" "huh?" "Sammy's bed?" "ya." "Teigs bed. Mine bed horse bed." (when teig says "your" it sounds like horse.). They went back and forth for about 10 sentences until sammy gave up trying to understand "horse bed". Then they talked about where their moms were and compared blankets and talked about how they could not reach each other. Teig showed off his dinosaur noises and talked about going bear hunting. Then Teig did his best to make Sammy laugh by pretending to hit himself in the face and fall down laughing. Finally Teig said, "Sammy I sleeping for a while." That did not really happen for he very soon broke back into talking about daddy horse poop. (don't ask, I have no idea.)

Mystery pie

Tonight I made mystery pie for FHE treat. The recipe said "tastes exactly like apple pie". Really, the filling is made of all zucchini. I had high hopes that this might be a winning recipe so I presented it to the kids with a big smile on my face. It looked wonderful delicious and bubbling as I pulled it out of the oven. Eirik was the first to begin. Typically he won't eat anything I make, but this pie looked so good he got halfway through his piece before the rest of this started to make weird faces. I could not even eat the filling. And when Paul revealed that this was no apple pie, we all started to laugh. I laughed hysterically. I laughed so hard, I cried. Eirik misunderstood and thought I was laughing at him because he had been tricked. I guess in a way I was, but I did not mean to make him feel bad. The best part was that he really liked it. He won't touch a vegetable with a ten foot pole but he ate two pieces of zucchini pie! Paul was clever enough to turn the incident into a family home evening lesson. He compared the pie to the way Satan disguises sin and we had a nice discussion. I just loved the confusion and surprise on everyone's faces. I have not laughed so hard in a long time!