Living in the Moment

48 days until I hold baby Juni (or thereabout), and 151 days until we load the moving truck... but who's counting right? 
When we thought we were moving our practice, we had so much to plan ahead for that we were full speed planning.  I did not want to have to be sorting things and doing big home projects with a brand new baby and all kinds of business in Oregon to perform at the last minute, so I got into planning and doing gear EARLY.  Probably too early because now I am seriously preoccupied.  5 days ago the moving process became so much more simple and manageable, but my mind is already spinning with nesting, sorting, stocking up, getting rid of, packing the truck in my mind, while getting ready to have a baby.  Stuff.  and more stuff.  Stuff that is not that important, but becomes such a big headache when I am consumed with it. 
My garage is getting stuffed with the things from my house that we are leaving or selling in a few months.  I am trying to use up our food storage and sort through all the clothes and go through cupboards and toys and weed our loads of stuff down to a much smaller load.  We do want to fit it all in one truck.  When we moved here we fit in an apartment and had one baby.  Now we have 4 kids and a dog and a huge fish tank and a huge TV, and a motorcycle and tons more kid stuff.  We are giving away a lot of our furniture.. .like most of it.  We found a really wonderful family that might rent our house, which means they would get our play structure and the slide we built in the basement, and I would not have to repaint the mural in the kids room.  Not to mention, I will not have to show the house to prospective buyers starting in March when I will be having a baby, which my landlord will have me do if we do not find renters.  Possible, but not fun!  If they do rent our house, it will be a great blessing and relief!  Every day I look around my house and think; how did we get so much stuff???  And then my boys beg Paul to take them to the dollar store.  Ahhh.  No more stuff! (But just when I think we can not get one more thing, I think of 10 more things we really could use.. like some baby girl clothes, a pair of sweat pants for my bulging body, shampoo, mascara, an onion... you know how the list builds, and off I go to the store.  I limit myself.  I go to the store Monday morning for groceries and perhaps a trip to Michaels or Home Depot or the pet store during the week.  Target once a month for  diapers, and a clothing store maybe once every other month.  I am not a shopper.  I actually don't get out much.  I don't feel like I spend much on shopping, but how do we have so much stuff??
Anyway, I am trying to live in the moment and not let the next 151 days be all about thinking about that truck and that house we might buy and how I will never live in wonderful MI again.  The days pass one at a time as I try to ignore this torrential river of emotion surrounding this big move.  I am trying to spend a lot of time with my close friends, knowing I will miss them so much.  I know I will never be with so many other medical school wives that have been such a comfort and support to me.  I guess I won't go in that direction.  Listen to me, I'm already mourning and I have 151 days to enjoy living near them. 
All of this medical school process should have taught me one thing: to trust the Lord, and I still fill myself up with anxiety about unnecessary things.  So what if it does not all fit in the truck.  Who cares.  We will leave some things behind that we did not plan to, strap some things on the van and no big deal.  I will keep in touch with my friends.  Many of them call Utah home base and we will see each other there.  There are no real goodbyes anyway.  We will all make new friends.  We will have a great trip across the country this summer.  It will be a vacation.  We will not race there, but enjoy a long journey across the beautiful United States.  We have been approved for loans that now far exceed our needs since we are not building out the space, and we are confident we will be able to pay them back rather quickly.  So why stress about a dollar here or there?  In the end it is the love we show that counts, not the pennies saved or the stuff we got to take.  I want everything packed just right, but if it all gets thrown in haphazard, why is that so bad?  Why should that give me nightmares.  It's just stuff.  The Lord will provide.  If we lost it all, the Lord would provide.  I know that is true.  I must stop worrying.  I promise right now that I will not start packing a month early.  That is ridiculous.  I want to, but I will not.  I will not.  I guess I will have to keep telling myself that.  Do I need another project to keep me busy, to stop me from obsessing about this move???? :)