Sure no

It turns out that there is more to the story from Relief Society. The girl who gave her testimony is Armenian and looks a lot like Debbe Lavely in our ward. They sat by each other. Debbe was feeling inspired to have Anna tell her conversion story before Leah even asked her to. They were brought together in that Debbe's patriachal blessing tells her to do her geneology for her Armenian Ancestors and Anna shared that the spirit told her that the reason she was brought to America was so that she could find the gospel and teach her family and do her family temple work. Those Armenian ancestors must have some real pull in heaven. The spirit was so strong, and we all just listened. It was so cool.

This morning I woke up to the insistent and persistent request for long black socks and fabric scissors. I know when I hear that tone in Eirik's voice that I am going to have to either give in or fight all day long, so I got up and found him a non pair of mismatched black tall socks and cut out the heal and the toe at 7:15 AM so that he could dress like a ninja. We had to make him a mask too.. also out of a sock. He drew the war paint on his face and in his mind he was truly a fierce, actual ninja all day long. He so literally becomes his characters that it is past acting. He IS a ninja. After I saw what he was trying to create with the socks, I was like, "hmm, that does look pretty cool." I'm telling you, he's a smart one, and he knows what he wants.





Yesterday I spent 6 or 7 hours working on visiting teaching routes and assignments and other follow up items from presidency meeting and ward council. It was nice to get some things done. I have a couple more hours of work this week ahead of me, but I made some good progress. Also, I still have to plan my lesson. I thought I would teach on self reliance, but it occurred to me that I ought to play off of the listening to the spirit lesson we learned last week and talk abut spiritual self reliance. That goes along with conference really well too. I should have been working on that instead of watching 2 episodes of Glee tonight, but it was so much fun! I wish I were a performer. Sometimes I laugh so hard thinking about my patriarchal blessing that says I will achieve all I want in acting and singing. HA! What the crap is that supposed to mean? Still, I think my voice has really blossomed in the past couple of years. I love to sing. I wish I knew if I were any good.

I have been trying really hard to catch my boys doing good things so that I can give them stickers for their books. Eirik is easy to give stickers to. 1. He is old enough to actually help out so I can ask him to do something and he can do it. 2. He's desperate for stickers, so he will do a lot for them.
Joren, not so much. I am having the hardest time getting him to obey anything. He is in his own world. He loves to wander outside and do "stuff". He does what I always thought little boys did outside, poke the dog, throw stuff in the water, find worms and other bugs, collect stuff, make pocketknives, rescue his pet dinosaur, leave the garden gate open for the bunnies to get in, get in the great big tin bucket full of rain water and take a very dirty swim, or better yet, splash in and then, hey why not, lay down in the huge muddy puddle. And of course, he likes to wander. "Mom I was just trying to catch the ducks." or "I crossed the big street on my bike because I was trying to follow Montana" (the neighbor teenage girl.) I tell ya, he is trouble! He is never malicious, just non compliant, often in an infuriating way. He can get away with so much because he says, "I won't do it again mommy." "I just had to." in the sweetest voice. How does he twist my arm like that!!? Anyway, he won't help, he disobeys, he bites, hits and screams in a super high pitched decibel when he does not get his way and makes mischief and messes everywhere he goes. He likes to say, "sure no." which means, "I'm not gonna do that mom." He also sasses. ie; Joren, please go to your room. "mom, you go to your room!" I wouldn't trade him, I just can't give him very many stickers. I could give him stickers for being cute I guess.

Bee stinger- secret weapon

"All my life I have been wanting a weapon like a secret weapon like a pocketknife or a bee stinger. I want to kill a bee and cut off it's stinger and use it as a weapon. Let me explain to you how a bee stinger could be useful in battle. First, I am going to have a box that has all kinds of stingers in it. Then I will have a computer that I can type in which stinger I want so that it can attach to my weapon and then I can sting the enemy in the bum. It will bleed and be very painful" Eirik

Get out of the way and let the spirit work

May 22

"I had a dream a T-Rex was chasing me and trying to bite me. I ate his heart and it tasted wike strawberry mint sour cream cheese. It tasted good. I saw a shark and I punched him in the nose. And ven I ate his heart. It didn't taste wike anyfing. It was just sour." Joren

The warm scent of the spring nighttime rain wafts through my open window. The fan above gently stirs the air and wind chimes ring a random melody. Today life's moment feels perfect and fragile like a robin's egg in my hand. I rocked my baby to sleep moments ago and held his perfect little roundness close to me. The fan ruffled his feather lite baby hair that glistens as only baby hair can. His contented slump into my shoulder as he drifts to sleep has to be one of the most stirring moments of life; of which I get to experience daily. My Eirik wanted only to snuggle and listen to me sing to him tonight and Joren delighted as I whispered the words to "Bedtime and the Swamp" into his ear as he settled into bed. I regretted having friends over to dinner today because my church meetings went late and I did not get home until 30 min before they arrived. Paul had raced to clean the house and prepare food in record time and I only had a few mintues to help before they arrived. Then the boys got "lost in the shuffle" of the evening and i did not get to adore them properly. That's why the Sabbath needs to be a family day. Our time with Paul is precious too. We did have a lovely dinner with Kasey, Annie, Ryan and Jen but Steve and Ben were at work so Paul did a lot of work to end up hanging out with the girls. That is not how it should be. I love my Paul so much. Paul spilled the beans about my new hair extensions and they all insisted on seeing. I was shy and embarrassed. I felt as if my insecurity about my hair which I like to hide was on display. They were kind, but I felt silly. I wanted them to go home and I wanted to hold my children and my husband and read and sing to them and tell them about Heavenly Father.

Relief Society was wonderful today. Leah taught by the spirit and we were richly blessed. She was prompted to not prepare to say anything from the lesson manual about missionary work, and to just call on a new sister in the ward to share her conversion story. It was remarkable and I could tell it was as the Lord intended. Sometimes we let ourselves get in the way of the workings of the spirit. The way to edification, in this case, was the simplest lesson. I hope I can hear the spirit help me prepare to teach next week on self reliance.

The perfect little red bead clutch

This morning we got to put rich dark mulch all over the flower beds. Gayle, our landlord, had it delivered and came by to help spread it. It was wonderful work. At 1:30 I stopped to make fish tacos with cabbage, red onion and cilantro salsa with adobo sauce. Easy and so yummy. Kasey taught me to make them last week. We ate on the back porch. I asked the boys how they knew there was a God. Eirik said, "It says so in the Book of Mormon and the Holy Spirit will tell you in your heart and your mind."Paul said that when he asked if it was true, he got an answer in his heart that it was. I said that whenever I talk about my ancestors or geneology work I feel the spirit. I said, "I know they are there in the next life." As I said it, I felt the spirit. I said "if there is a next life, then there has to be a God orchestrating His plan. Also, the more I study animals and living things, the more astonished I am. Every living thing testifies of a Creator." Joren said something wonderful about the Bible telling him there is Jesus. Then Paul asked, "do you think public school is going to ruin our kids?" Of course Eirik wanted to know all the details about what his question meant. I explained that when you go to public school you go with kids that come from all kinds of families and many of those kids might not know what we know and they might try to teach you things that aren't true or tempt you to do things that aren't right. He said, "don't worry mom, I'm always going to choose the Lord's side. Always."
After lunch I took the boys to a few garage sales on the island and let them spend their piggy bank money on spy gear. We stopped by the park to teeter totter and play imagination games and check out the herb festival. When we came home we read library books on the back porch for an hour or so. Then Paul and I got dressed up for the Luau Oakwood hospital doctors party at the country club. I could not figure out what to wear until I finally got my inspiration from Angelica Huston in Life Aquatic. I wore cream linen pants, a white blousy shirt belted with a big black belt and red chunky beads with super sexy black strappy heals that I tripped in all night long. I loved my outfit. I even had the perfect little red bead clutch to take. After all that stress about what to wear I had all the things in my closet except the shoes that I borrowed from Selina. We arrived at 6:30 for cocktails. Paul and I ate cheese squares and fruit and Diet Cokes while we stood around and felt extremely out of place and silly. We did not know anyone except Dr. Glines, the guy in charge. Finally I found a fellow mother that we could swap family stories with. I don't know how to talk to doctors yet and my conversation skills are a bit dried up since I only talk to kids and other moms from church or preschool. As soon as we were called in for dinner, Paul insisted on leaving. We drove for 5 minutes and I convinced him to turn around and go back. We arrived just in time to be served dinner and sit at the table with the youngest looking couple. We ended up having a good time even though Paul would still have preferred to have left. Once again, Paul put someone besides himself first. He is ever the gentleman and I am the lucky benefactor. The doctor we sat by gave us some good advise about starting our practice. It was a helpful conversation.
I have loved my free time tonight reading about celebrity hair extensions and gardening tips.
I love my lovely life.

Hair hair hair hair hair!

May 20th:
My hair extensions came today. Wow, I know what it feels like to look down and see and feel hair for the first time. It is so soft and pretty. I feel so feminine. It doesn't blend with my hair now since it is still so short, but I hope I can grow it out and wear it. It's so pretty. Paul is so thoughtful. He bought it for me so that I could just try it because he knew it would be fun for me.

At school Eirik got 5 certificates for good behavior which meant that he could choose a prize. He chose a green heart shaped ring for me as his prize. I think he still feels sad that he could not make me a diamond from coal. We talked about how I wear my diamond wedding ring as a symbol of my love for Paul and he wanted to give me a ring just like Dad gave me a ring. What a sweetheart.

The Later's came for lunch again today. Last week Kasey told me she loves artichokes so I bought some this morning at the farmers market and steamed them for lunch with our sandwiches. I cut up peaches and put whipped cream on them for desert for the kids. They ate them with tiny forks in the fern fortress. While Teig ate on my lap he reached out and spilled a whole green baby food all down me to my shoes.
The weather was perfect and we thoroughly enjoyed the cute kids. Later we made "badges" with felt and jewels and hot melt. It is so easy to please little people like ours. As we made badges, Teig was on my lap and he reached out and spilled the whole bowl of tiny beads; hundreds of them and may I admit that our dining room floor was filthy. There was more dog hair and dried peas than beads after I swept them up. (Ok, I'm exagerating a bit, but it was gross.) Teig, Teig, Teig!
Next we read the wonderful library books we got at the library this morning. I love reading with the kids. Then Teig went to bed and the kids watched Avatar while I cleaned and got ready for soccer. Soccer is 8 of my favorite women all hanging out while we almost always forget to watch or cheer for the kids. It's a lot of fun and I wish the season would last longer. Anona, Erin, Kasey, Ruth, Rachel, Jen, and Annie. Great ladies.
Kasey moves in one month and three days. Ruth and Rachel will be moved in 2 weeks. Jena already moved.

"I'm just going out for my venture."

I woke up this morning to the front door being opened.
Joren, who is usually my late sleeper, was up at the crack of dawn wearing his baggy gray sweat pants (showing a little crack I might add since he had lost his undies somewhere along the line), his dad's hat- backwards, his backpack and Eirik's running shoes. The kicker is his fur vest that he wears with no shirt. I said "Hey Joren, what are you up to?" "I'm just going out for my venture." I'm just glad I wake up at every little sound. :)

I had a RS presidency meeting at our house. I always leave with a big list of To Dos. But it was good. The kids like our bi-monthly meetings because it is always movie morning.
After lunch, the rain stopped and we went outside. It was intoxicating and no one wanted to come back in until bedtime. The kids pretended they were Aang from Avatar and Eirik told me all kinds of stories about his life while I joyously weeded and tended the garden. Teig loved playing in the grass. Then we made these great little stick creations. I threw in some corn and potatoes and put some onions and meat on the grill for a wonderful evening outside.

Then Tor knocked Joren over in the mud and we all went in for baths.

My favorite time of day? At night, when Teig falls asleep in my arms.... and then later when I fall asleep in Pauls'. What a beautiful life. Jacob Race Car or J Rock Gray Crayon

"Mom, you're stupid and I don't like stupidness."
"Joren, go put the knife away." I said. "no, you put the knife away mom." "Joren, don't talk back to me please." "No, you don't talk back!"
Then he took my cell phone and threw it in a hole in the dirt. Then he hit me. Then he went to time out in his room. Later, despite my efforts, he wore his hat and backpack and shoes to bed. Our friend Trevor commented that he had never met a kid that had such a sweet and innocent voice and demeanor that could be so capable of mischief. I agree. And he is such a sweetheart too.

My garden makes me so happy. Not just this part; the whole yard. The part I didn't plant is even better. It's just a big joyous surprise every day. The snowball bush is blooming today. The peonies are 2' taller than last week. The poppies are nodding their little heads about to open. The bleeding hearts are sensational. It is a magical place. I love living here.

A diamond in the asphalt

May 18th
My self depreciating behavior and lack of confidence was largely explained this morning as I realized I am now menstruating again. It's been a couple of years.. let's see.. at least 18 months I guess. So we are back in the "flow" of things. My aunt Susie joked one time that she only used 2 tampons in 12 years since she had 6 kids in 12 years. It's kind of nice skipping the whole thing.
Teig suddenly seems much older though. He's into everything now. Today I set a bottle of spray and wash outside his door while he was napping so I could put it back in his closet as soon as he woke up. When he woke up, I put him on the floor while I ran to get the door and he had somehow unscrewed it and was sitting in a pile of it soaked when I returned 2 minutes later. It freaked me out. I had him rinsed and drinking water so fast. Luckily I don't think he ingested any.. or much.. anyway, he seems fine. I know, putting it on the floor was a really dumb idea.

Kasey came over to pick up Sarah after school today. We talked for a little less than an hour. I showed her what I'm wearing to the Luau, and my new furniture arrangement upstairs, the pillow I finished, and an idea I have for a new painting.
She is so supportive and cool. I am going to miss her so much. I cut my own hair the other day and she gave me a quick "fix" before she left. She lifted the back a little and made a huge difference. What am I going to do without her!

Tonight Eirik and Joren helped me in the garden. I told Eirik I would help him make a glow in the dark Aang costume if he earned 100 stickers. He already has 35 so he was all over doing anything and everything possible to earn more stickers. He said, "anything you want mother." He brought me the shovel, the plants and helped stick them in the earth.
We put in all the fruit and vegie markers that we made out of tongue depressors and foam. The kids liked these. Joren really loved the baby onion and we had a whole conversation where he was the baby onion.
We were planting the watermelons today and of course he is really excited about his favorite fruit. They are supposed to be planted 10' apart. Come on! I don't have the kind of room. So I hope we can get a few watermelons this year. I only put them 2' apart. We put the deer netting up all around and over everything. The can't get to our garden this year!! Now I just have to water enough. Joren was really cute helping me shovel. He loves to dig and get dirty. Eirik is "not a grower" as he has explained. If he finds a worm, he yells for Joren to come pick it up so he can examine it because he's fascinated, but he does not want to touch them or get dirty. Joren loves to be outside. He is what I always expected boys to be. The both LOVE to collect nature and bring it home. We have so many collections! Luckily they now have a "fortress" to collect their sticks in because even though there is a "no sticks in the house" rule, I am constantly throwing sticks out the front door. Sticks and rocks and bark and acorns and feather and trash off the street.. it's all there, in every pocket, every couch cushion, dumped on the floor, in all their collection boxes. I do love their love of nature and their enthusiasm. Tonight Eirik picked up a piece of asphalt and brought it home to give me because he thought it was coal and he wanted to squeeze it really hard tonight and make it into a diamond for me. When Paul explained to him what it takes to make a diamond he started to cry. When Paul told him that he had brought home a piece of asphalt and that it was not even coal, he was devastated. I told him I would pretend that it was our very special diamond in the rough and I would save it to remember the special treasure he brought for me. That made him feel a little better. Then Joren found a hammer and sneaked away my "diamond" and smashed it into pieces to get the "diamond" out of it. This threw Eirik into a tizzy. I told him I would pick the largest piece and treasure it. Boy, what a sweet sensitive darling boy.This is a flower Eirik made me. He taped tulip petals all around a dandelion on a piece of paper attached to a tongue depressor. All his idea. So creative!
Tonight I had to out clean 100 moldy dandelions from a vase in my room. It was my mother's day present so that "if I ever felt like being fancy, I could just get a dandelion and put it in my hair whenever I wanted." Isn't that cute! (not the mold part, just the boys part.)
I let the boys watch Star Wars this afternoon after playing and going to school all morning. I made them popcorn at Eirik's insistence. After a few minutes he said, "you know what would make this popcorn taste so much better? Eating it with all my family, while watching this movie in the dark." He's right though. It's not a party unless everyone is present and we like movie party's all together. What a great kid.

Skydiving in springtime

"You're stupid mommy, and I don't like stupidness." Joren

Fern Fortress

Another magical day in Fern Fortress

We had three extra kids today: Sam, Isaac and Grace Fisher. Great, home schooled, mannered kids. Perfect examples for my boys. They all raced around the yard with breastplates, swords, Darth Vadar helmets and spy gear having a blast. Even though the boys are older than Eirik, he holds his own. Once he said, "I will only go out there with you if I can lead."
The highlight of my day was when Grace begged to have a tea party in the fairy village. I kindly obliged. :) I made them cookies and strawberries with whipped cream and tiny little forks. I was so delighted to see my vision come to light. I sneaked upstairs to listen to their conversation through the window and cute Grace was sipping her little cup of water while saying, "so, how was your day today?" The boys obliged her and played along. There was plenty of sword fighting throughout, but oh what a delicious moment it was.
We went on a walk and got caught in the rain. Eirik has been running on our walks which is such a huge improvement from last year when he cried on every walk. He encouraged Joren today who was very tired by saying, "come on bud, this is your chance to beat me. Put on your cheetah speed creature power suit. You can do it! Let's go!" So Joren ran really well too. Joren will do just about anything Eirik encourages him to do, but he has a pretty adamant independent streak too. He's been so picky about his wardrobe now. He has worn his fur vest with no shirt for about a week now. Neither kid cried when we came home soaked. That was a small miracle.
Paul had a horrible day. The car gave him trouble and he had to work until 9:00 and come home in the rain. We both said a prayer that he would make it home safe because his undercarriage of the car was hanging down and dragging as he drove. As soon as he got home, something metal fell down in the driveway. I count that as a miracle too.
Teig has said goodbye to his "too good to be true" first 9 months of angelic pure baby sweetness and introduced us to the kind of baby I am more used to. He has learned to insist on things, and to not give in. He has not developed a self soothing mechanism yet and it is making Paul and I a bit crazy. He is fun to feed though. He eats and eats and eats and so far, loves it all. Today I put a pile of whip cream on his tray and took his shirt off to see what he would do. It was a little too sweet I think and he got so sticky! I love feeding a kid who actually eats. Speaking of that, all the boys are eating so much better. It's getting much more enjoyable to cook at our house. I made an amazing roasted red pepper, shrimp pasta tonight with no recipe. It was delicious! I needed a success in the kitchen. Of course the boys would not touch it, but I loved it, and they liked their noodles with butter (eirik) and red sauce (joren).
After our walk in the rain we came in a read books by the fire. We love to read together. Teig; not so much. He squirmed and fussed like he had fire ants in his pants the whole time, but the rest of us loved it.
Eirik said a prayer tonight that went, "thank you for my awesome, pretty, fun totally cool mom who is the prettiest most amazing girl I have ever met." My boys adore me so completely. I never knew motherhood would be so rewarding.

21 Goslings on East River Road

May 16th: On the way home from picking up Eirik at preschool we spotted several goose families. We counted 21 goslings waddling around with their watchful parents. Is was so picturesque and we pulled over to watch them for a good half hour. Joren said, "I'm a gosling mama" and I said, "Goslings do precisely what their mama's and papa's tell them. They stay right by their side and if mama says come, they come, if dad says get out of the water, they do." Joren said, "ok" and then proceeded to be very naughty all day long.
When Paul got home from work I left to go shopping to find something to wear to the luau this Saturday at the country club. I got myself all psyched out comparing myself to all those gorgeous, rich derm resident girls who have nothing better to do than worry about being pretty and put together. I shopped for 4 hours and in desperation called my friend Selina who hooked me up with some awesome things from her wardrobe. When I got home guess what Paul did? He got online and ordered me hair extensions because I have been talking about it for years and he knows me well enough to know that I will never do it for myself. So they will be here in two days. 20" straight blond hair. How will I look in that!? It's going to be so fun to see.

May- succulent spring- I feel alive again

This week was so delicious I had to write about it. There is nothing like spring. And our home is a refuge that I feel like a princess in it.

May 11th: A gorgeous day! One of the first welcoming spring days that insists on being enjoyed. Kasey was feeling under the weather so I invited her to stay for lunch after we snagged the kids from preschool. I was making a fruit soup to take to Erin in the new soup tureen that I found for her, so I made lots of extra. I whipped up a chicken noodle fruit salad that turned out amazing and we lounged on the back deck for hours eating and talking and watching the kids find hours of amusement in the tent we set up. They were enchanted by the weather as well and were delightful. Joren cracked us up insisting on wearing his fur hiccup vest, no shirt a red bandana, his satchel, hat, spy watch and plaid shorts. He was so cute in his own fashion. Paul was able to join us for lunch and commented later that if this is what it is like to stay home with the kids then sign him up. I agreed. It was a magical day through and through.
This bird was a gift from my sister for my birthday. To me it is a little token of happiness.
May 12th:
Today I planted my garden. I dug the rich soil, and let the boys help me drop in all the seeds. It has to be one of the best times of life. In the afternoon I brought one of my longtime dreams to fruition. I rolled a giant section of a log to our yard from the neighbor across the street and positioned it under our pine tree among the ferns and ivy so that it is a little table. I placed rocks around the table as little chairs and sprinkled glass jewels all around in the ivy. Then I hung a metal dragonfly knocker on the tree so the kids could make sure all that enter their "fern fortress" know the password and enter with permission. When I told Joren that I was planning to hang a light from the tree so that we could come out at night and have a little party, his little face lit up like it was the coolest thing he had ever heard. He jumped in my arms and squealed and hugged me super tight while telling me I was the coolest mother ever! Then Eirik had an idea to make a mobile to hang from the tree that has little fairies made of pine cones. Cool idea! So we spent the next few hours making fairies to hang. My little men with their great imaginations now have a secret forest hideout! I have many plans for our lovely new fortress.

May 13th: I dropped off Eirik at preschool and Joren at playschool and went to the flower market with Teig. He helped me pick out our tomatoes, peppers, watermelon sprouts, 8 Mammoth Russian sunflowers, a bunch of sprouted herbs and some luxurious splurges on flowers. I couldn't resist the orange chinese lanterns and the succulents. Every year I allow myself just a little more cash for this beginning of the season indulgence. I brought my treasures home and was giddy all afternoon as I planted all my pots and remaining garden squares. At 5:30 we had to clean up for soccer where we got to hang out with all of our friends. Erin came back to our house after so the kids could play and roast hotdogs and marshmallows. We bought "5 Guys and Fries" hamburgers for us. Another lovely evening outside. Spring is too fleeting. There were no bugs, a perfect temperature, and lush green everywhere with life bursting all around.

May 14th: Sat. We made norwegian pancackes and then I escorted the boys outside to play. I got busy weeding and weeding. I love weeding. Once I get going I hate to stop. At noon I was forced inside as the rain was dripping off of my nose. Still, it was luxurious to dig in the dirt. After a wonderful lunch of homemade Jumbalaya by master chef Paul, we cleaned ourselves up.
Paul, ever the "goer and doer" herded us to the car to enjoy a day at Imagination Station. Eirik loves the race track and the rope on a pully and the fire station. Joren likes to play in the water and of course got soaked as usual.
On the way home we stopped for Pizza Hut. Our server turned out to be our mailman. Funny coincidence. Nice guy. I pushed him out of the snow once and we gave him a donut gift certificate for Christmas. Now we are sort of friends.
At home I coerced Paul into helping me rearrange the upstairs so that Teig will finally have his own room. All of my office was moved into our bedroom and the crib was moved out! I was reluctant to give up "my room", but now I find the arrangement to be much better. Teig has not slept through the night more than 3 times in his life and we are ready to remedy that. It was a pleasant night last night with some distance between us and the kids, until Eirik decided to join us. He is getting big and the bed is getting smaller. I end up flat as a tortilla between those two boys and wake up with my arms falling asleep. I'm taking back my night time!

May 15th: Rain.. lots of it.. not a break all day. My plants will grow at least. I'm bummed that my sunflowers are not in the ground yet. Maybe tomorrow. It was Stake Conference and we opted out. Eirik threw up this morning after he said, "I'm not going!" It was a forced, tiny throw up, but both P and I were looking for a way out. 2 hours of sacrament meeting with three boys just sounds like forced torture to us. Still, tonight I feel a big vacant, and aware that I made the wrong choice. I missed attending despite it's exhausting nature. The boys were in rare difficult form as well. We all got snappy and I made the worst dinner. Paul is ever the gentleman, but it is obvious who is the better cook. I had to laugh and tell the family that they should enjoy the meal since it will certainly be the last time they ever get to enjoy this particular combination. I honestly don't know how Paul always makes winning dishes with no recipe, even when the fridge is considerably lacking. He just has a definite gift. I am generally a pretty confident cook, however after a weekend of enjoying his food, I find my talent leaves something to be desired. Lucky, I get to enjoy his spoils.
I cut my own hair today. (another reason for missing conference.. I admit with guilt) I am happy to report that I like it very much and would challenge any stylist to do a better job. I just saved myself $70. Well, I still need to figure out how to color it myself. I think I will give it a go this week. Good idea?? Probably not. There is a big Luau for Paul's work on Sat. I spent an hour tonight trying to decide on something to wear and searching online to see what is in style. The answer: "not me." Really, there is no way to dress as modest as I am required and find anything for summer in the stores. I found about 4 dresses that were possibilities from about 7 websites. I just want my very own dressmaker, full time. Is that so much to ask?

Eirik at 5 years 2 months

A while ago Eirik said a prayer and in it he said, "Please help us to have a good time here on our test on earth. It's going pretty well so far."
I am amazed at how much perspective and comprehension he brings with him. He is only 5 and 2 months old, but he can make jokes with us, (he's quicker than I am) and have adult conversations. He asked me how a global positioning system works yesterday. I was trying to explain the idea of a signal reaching from a satelite to a hand held devise and he asked if it was something like a spirit. I thought that was pretty intuitive and explained that it was more like light or sound. Then he wanted to know details about how the wavelengths traveled. "how do they go through walls, and ceilings. When he had asked enough questions that I was out of answers, I told him he needed to ask his dad. Is that possible that he has me stumped on a physics question at 5? I knew it would happen someday, and I knew it would be sooner than later. It has become plain to me that he is so completely his own person and that that little person is so huge in his little body. He is incredible and so cool. He knows what is cool way before I do. I fight him and fight him about things that I don't think he needs or should do and then when he finally gets his way I realize that what he wanted was pretty cool and had value that I did not realize. I am learning everyday how to trust him more and see him as his own person and value all of his ideas instead of just the ones that I understand. I feel that I have let him down a bit by not documenting better some of his more brilliant ideas. I should have been taking better pictures of each costume he has invented and put them next to the characters he is emulating. When he sees a show he ALWAYS immediately identifies with the hero. I don't think all kids do that. He not only identifies, but thinks, "how can I become that person in every detail." Then he goes about gathering all the important costume pieces, vocabulary, gear and friends to play the supporting characters. He is dramatic and focused. He leads his brother in this kind of play all the time and Joren is such a good sport to be the support crew at all times. Today Eirik was a mystic samarai power ranger because when he looked out the window it was misty. He wanted his snow pants, but I would not get them for him, so he sulked for a while and finally made due with black pants, blue shirt, brown shoes and black marker drawn in symetrical designs all over his face. It was actually kind of cool.
Yesterday he went to his soccer game with his head shaved and a blue arrow drawn on his head and arms like Aang from Avatar the cartoon. His friends were at the game that introduced him to the show. They have seen all the episodes and when they saw Eirik their jaws dropped. They thought he was so cool.
The doctor told us recently that we needed to do the starvation diet with Eirik and Joren to get them to eat more vegetables and meat and water. We give them those things and when they have had a portion of each they can have fruit or carbs. Eirik's energy level has significantly improved. He is doing much better. For a while there we were a bit worried because he could not walk around the block without tiring. Maybe it is because he is growing up or maybe it is the gorgeous weather or maybe the better food, but he was great at soccer and ran very well.
He is incredibly polite and great at talking to adults and strangers except that he expects them to treat him like an adult and sometimes adults don't give him the time of day since he is so small so he ends up repeating and interupting all the time. That has to be hard for him. The other day we took the kids to the Rainforest Cafe. He was having one of his more impolite days and when we got our food he said, "that looks like carion. I'm not eating that!" That night after doing all kinds of fun things he got a sliver or something and said, "mom, I've had a really hard day!" He can be so dramatic.
He told me recently that he wants to be a gadget inventor when he grows up. This is one of his most recent gadgets:He is convinced that after he adds wings he can put Teig on it and it will fly Teig around the room. It's so cute because Joren totally believes it too!
He made me the cutest mother's day cards this year. He was so loving and adorable. He told me all day long today that I was the prettiest girl he ever acquainted. "Actually," he said, "you're the only girl I ever acquainted."
Eirik is so loving with his brothers. Eirik really looks out for both of them. Sometimes when I can't get Joren to do something, Eirik will jump in with the perfect motivation that I would not have thought of like, "Joren, if you wear that you will look like a skydiver!"
At a recent preschool meeting one of the other moms told me that she had heard about Eirik, how he talks like an adult and is incredibly bright. He really is. I am so blessed to be his mother and I feel a great responsibility to him since he has such enormous potential. My what a lot of life I have been given.

He's Bored

A few days ago Paul approached a subject with me that he thought was going to just devastate me and he was reticent to open up about the matter (which is unusual for him). When he finally told me I was sort of surprised that he had worried so much. He admitted that he was sort of bored with me. Actually, it makes me kind of laugh. I am bored with myself a lot of the time too! He said, "you've pigeon holed yourself into kids and church and that is it. Can we please talk about something else?!" I completely agreed. I spend all my time on kids and church and art, (but the art part is only in my head and Paul doesn't really get excited about talking about non existent paintings and such,) so I've been pretty shallow in areas beyond my kids and my faith. As I thought about this, first I completely forgave him for being bored with me. He goes to work and conventions and spends his time with some of the smartest people in the country, and then comes home to me. I'm at home making apricot leather and cleaning up excrement and endlessly picking up toys and rocking babies all day long. Pretty riveting.

Still, It occurred to me that we have only been married a mere 7 years. 7 years in an eternal perspective is such a short time. In fact, we are still like babies at this whole "oneness" thing. When I look at couples who have been married 50 years and worked hard at it the whole time, I'm amazed at how they work together like two parts of the same machine. When I watch my children going through their stages, I may feel like they are going to do some annoying behavior forever, but then all of the sudden they are over it (and onto a new one of course.) This wonderful time when we are parents of little little guys is going to be such a short moment in that big eternal togetherness we have and in this moment we get the chance to learn SO much. We get to learn about selflessness, about patience, let me say that again, patience, seeing beyond the moment, allowing those little guys agency to discover who they really are, restraint, temperance, logical consequences, teaching, modeling behavior and most of all love. In all of eternity, as far as I know, this will be the only time these little spirits are babies; and we get to experience it! What a miracle right?!

And giving my service to building the kingdom of God; well, that's just what I do and always will do. That's what I'm here for and I can't change that.

So even though I do feel like I have a multitude of various talents and interest simmering inside but not displayed at the moment, I feel like getting really deep in kids and church is what is mandatory right now. Gratefully, I am assured that there are other stages of my life that will look a lot different. There will be a decades ahead when I have time to be back in school, maybe teach, paint a lot, sew, maybe become a counselor, lots of yoga, interior design, take care of grand kids, go on a mission, study entomology, biology, sculpt, read a ton, and travel. Life is beautiful, and I feel like there will be a moment for everything, maybe not all in this life. This moment in time is a beautiful stage of life. I'll admit, it's tear your hair out boring sometimes, but in truth, it's remarkable underneath the mundane. In my moments of selfishness; which we are allowed; I yearn for the next stage or for that authentic me that doesn't have to do the dishes constantly to be allowed to breath. But, all in due time.

A few years ago when Paul was playing online video games all the time, I was BORED to death with him. The cool thing is that when I finally confessed to him that while he played online with all his buddies all the time, I was upstairs crying in my journal and feeling deserted; he changed. He gave up the game.. for me. And I know he didn't like giving it up, but he did.

I told Paul to try to remember that I am an iceberg, as we all are. And there is so much more of me to come. :) And in the meantime, I am going to try to have something more of interest to say when he comes home, and hone my depleted conversation skills if possible. He deserves that at least! I do feel glad that he trusted me to tell me his feelings because I know by telling me he knows there is more to me that he wants to see. I also know that he believes that I love him enough to change too, and I will. Marriage is fun, and so much better when you have an eternal perspective and a sense of humor.

Paul is 31 this year!

Paul likes to surprise people at work when he tells them he has three kids. They don't believe him since he still looks so young. He tells them he's in his 30's even though he is only 31 this year. So modest. :) For his birthday he asked for a Tron disk. Really. He wanted Eirik to be happy so badly that he asked for a Tron disk so they could have epic disc wars. It made Eirik so happy! We also got him some Crew and gum and nuts. They go great together. He had some surprises too that made 31 a great birthday. He left for Miami for a week long conference just before his birthday making it possible for him to drive to Orlando to meet his mom and Jeanette and Ben and Kim at Disney World for his special day. I'm so glad he got to go. He had a great time. And we celebrated with BBQ and Pie and smores when he got home. We love him so much.