St. Mary's Street remodel update

I'm so excited with how this remodel is looking. I've been desperate for photos which my brother finally sent today. Doing the design work and then being far removed from all the work as it takes place is excruciating. I was so happy to see that what I had in my head is starting to take shape in real life. My brothers and parents are doing such a great job. I think this house is going to be gorgeous. 

This is the view into the pantry from the kitchen. It walks all the way through to the mushroom which opens into the garage. This pantry has an extra freezer or fridge. 

This is the mudroom. I've never seen it done but I specified slatwall above the cubbies! So flexible! 

Double sided walk around fireplace with black concrete hearth and rustic wood mantle. 

Super Bowl

Sometimes when you have a house full of boys you make a lot of food you never would have chosen for yourself. Especially on Super Bowl Sunday. This year I tried to be "super" cool and make bacon and cheese wrapped tater tots, cream cheese filled jalapeños wrapped in croissants. Pepperoni wrapped cheese sticks wrapped in croissants, chicken wings, and lots of pop and chips and dip.  These guys don't know how good they have it. The Seahawks lost. boo!!

Princess Juni

This is princess Juni. Juni has her own crib and her own play yard and sometimes lately she has slept in the big guest room bed which is in her room by her crib. We have had company sleeping in the guest bed for 8 days and Juni does not like the play yard anymore. In fact Juni will not tolerate anything except a big nice soft bed like mommy and daddy's bed. However, sleeping next to Princess Juni is like sleeping next to an attacking alligator. She rolls and rolls and rolls and pokes your eyes and sits on your face and pulls your hair and won't stop. So, Paul and I have moved to the couch. I think we'll be finishing our guest bedroom in the basement before we invite company again. In the meantime princess Juni is going to have to learn to sleep in her own room again this week. It may not be a cakewalk at our house this week. I'm predicting more like a lion's den.

Aligning with the Light

It started with a mini break-down. I was struck by the realization that I was not the same as I had been in MI and not in the best way. I had lost some of my confidence and outgoing nature. I realized I had let myself get intimidated by Oregon and this new life. I expected it to be hard for me to fit in, so it had been coming true. I realized that it had been 1.5 years and I was not where I wanted to be socially and emotionally. I told Paul I was lonely.  He told me that if I wasn't happy then it was my fault. If I want something then I need to take it. No one is going to give it to me. Then he pointed out how he was getting everything in life that he wanted because he's been taking it. He's been overwhelmingly successful this year. So proud of him!
This conversation happened about the same time as I was wondering why my brothers weren't out grabbing life by the shoestrings and getting what they want from it. I was also reading some scriptures and was struck by a scripture about faith vs. fear So, I examined my life and realized, quite profoundly that I had opened a little pathway for faith to slip out and fears to slip in. What a difference this paradigm made in my life! While Paul was blossoming, I was fading. I was holding myself back by my own false beliefs. All I had to do to change it was to remind myself that:

"If thou canst believe, all things are 

possible to him that believeth." 

Mark 9:23

"If ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you."

 Alma 32:27

"Cast your eyes about and begin to believe in the Son."

Alma 33: 22

"Today if ye will hear his voice, harden not your hearts; for why will ye die?"

Jacob 6:6

My testimony has not been as strong this year because I had let some doubts from some anti Mormon literature seep into my thinking. There is no doubt that Joseph Smith's story is hard to believe.  People have thrown stones at it from the beginning with so much venomous hate that they even killed him.  I spent time watching videos preachers from other faiths have made against polygamy; I read the beginning of "Rough stone rolling" and talked with some friends who are full of doubts.  Some things they said were like little irritating splinters to my faith. Luckily our spiritual lives are immensely complex and the depth of spiritual knowledge that I have accumulated is rooted deep enough that all these sources I explored and opened my mind to acted only like a drought to my tree of knowledge. It has been a year of withering, yet as soon as I watered my tree with the scriptures and my memories of what I know through my experiences, my strength has come back. I also have wonderful in-laws who spoke to me at length about my concerns and even wrote me a 5 page letter of testimony.  My sister in law Jeanette shared her testimony with me that gave me the footing I needed to get back to the place where the rain (spirit) could seep in. She said that she believes that there is good all over in the world, that most religions have a lot of truth, and we all choose a way to show our devotion. Being true to our chosen way to show God our commitment to him is what makes us a good person.   Going to the temple and keeping the covenants we made there is my way.  Having an accountability in this life is an incredible tool. Having a temple recommend interview every two years is invaluable to helping each of us stay worthy of God's spirit.

I received an incredible gift from my aunt Dyanne for Christmas. For years she has been doing an immense work of gathering every word ever written by my ancestors on the Law side and compiling it into 4 massive books. In preparation for reading them, I thought I should read the history of the church student manual so that I would have a better framework to place all the events of my ancestors into. What a blessing it has been to read this book! I have heard so much negative this year about our church history that it is incredibly refreshing to hear it straight from the source and even if it's buttered over and caulked in, I appreciate reading about the integrity of our leaders from the beginning. I love reading the stories of immense faith and the miracles that followed. I love learning of heros that spent their lives in extraordinary service to God and to man. The selflessness and faith of the early saints is awe inspiring, and to think that my ancestry is a huge part of this story grips me with wonder. 

Whether or not I understand all the details of this church's origin, the truth of God's hand in my life is undeniable. I was literally guided by the hand off a temporary assembly line job at 6:30 AM in the fall of 1997 to UVSC and the institute building where the director of the institute recognized me from meeting me the year before in CO and said he had been expecting me. This was in direct answer to my prayer about where to go to college. I had decided not to go and just to work instead. I testify that my powers alone did not drive me to UVSC that day or get me registered for classes, or get me in-state tuition (still a mystery how I qualified).  I was guided by the hand of God when I had no hand of man to help me. From my time at institute I was healed of spiritual wounds I had acquired and filled with knowledge and faith to prepare me for a life devoted to God. If I had nothing else to testify to me that God is real, this experience alone would be enough.  Gloriously, his hand has been with me ever since. All I have had to do is 'cast my eyes about' to witness His Glory and see his presence in my life.

Last year I was wilting. Deiter F. Uchtorf describes what was happening to me in his Oct. 14 conference talk: Receiving a Testimony of Light and Truth

"If we remove ourselves from the light of the gospel, our own light begins to dim—not in a day or a week but gradually over time—until we look back and can’t quite understand why we had ever believed the gospel was true. Our previous knowledge might even seem foolish to us because what once was so clear has again become blurred, hazy, and distant.

This is why Paul was so insistent that the message of the gospel is foolishness to those who are perishing, “but unto [those who] are saved it is the power of God.”¹⁴

Since I have alligned myself with God again, the belief that through Him all things are possible has allowed me in a short time to begin to blossom again. I am unafraid to make friends, to speak to people I would not have before, to share the gospel, to believe in myself. I noticed my kids were starting to act as if they were afraid of the big bad world. I realized my fears of all the evil in the world was starting to taint their spirits instead of fill them with faith and optimism. And last week I thought to pray to be able to break through my fears of painting and made some huge strides! I also ran my first 5 miles in my life. That was exhilarating. Making my new years resolutions was almost impossible because I was nearly crippled by fear and could not think of what goals I dared to make. With this shift in my life, I have made a big list of goals. I'm excited again. 

God is good. God is Light. God is real. Praise His name!

Watercolor evening

 I had such a wonderful weekend. On Friday night I got to go to a watercolor class downtown at the Christopher David boutique with my lovely friend Pamela Rust. It was a fancy crowd of Portlandia artists types. They served tea and crackers and cheese. It was very hipster. I got some cool supplies, learned some new skills and tried things I had never tried. I never expected to like watercolor that much but it is fun because the materials are so forgiving and easy to use. I could really get into it. I really went to learn more about brush strokes and calligraphy and have fun with Pamela. We talked after about maybe someday hosting our own workshops. It was empowering and I felt like a real person. Thanks to Paul for letting this happen tonight!

New Years Resolutions

New Years Resolutions

Eirik

Get a dog

One pull-up by my birthday

One goal in soccer. Save a goal

 3 runs in baseball

Score a touchdown- pick 6 football

Master spinning roundhouse kick

Swim with nose plugs and goggles

snowboard

Intellectual – read less comic books and graphic novels

Read Garion book by Nov.

Memorize 30 multiplication facts

Start learning acoustic guitar

Study chemistry

Use daily planner

Read all of first Nephi by May- read to Enos by end of year

Pray every morning and night   

Get a new friend

Less bossy-

Be more positive

Joren

40 pushups

Swimming

Basketball

Baseball (maybe)

Run 8 miles

Learn to play electric drum

Read novels – 3

Improve spelling

Count over 100 by 2’s

Learn to draw every tropical bird

Pray every morning and night   

Memorize more scriptures

Get baptized

Get own scriptures

Personal prayer every night

No  more potty words

Keep hands to myself

Crested gecko

Teig

Soccer

Tball

Study science

Learn to read

Learn some math- money

Follow Jesus’s rules

Listen when mom and dad read scriptures

Listen and do what mom and dad say

Paul

Bench press 200

Run 10 miles by Feb.

Size 32 pants

Do a sprint triathalon
Minimize income taxes

Create retirement plan

Finish D & C strong

Finish CME credits

Establish a strong second practice at Adventist

Work on personal prayers

Patience with the children- temperence

 Melody

Enjoy my kids
Read all my family history books
read all my new books from Christmas
talk to God every day
Feed my spirit with enlightening books, conference talks and scripture
talk to a family member at least 2 times a week
talk to a friend at least 2 times a week
be involved at church
plan family vacations ahead of time
go through all my finances at the first of the month
make more food my family likes and less that I like
exercise 2 times a week T, Th and yoga Sat or sunday morning

Art goals: 

Design a house or two.
Go to painting classes every week that I can
Paint:
1. Bird/ animal series inspired by deer on huge canvas- pop- like my owl- layers
2. Work on my temple idea so that I can knock them out pretty easily
3. Learn to paint landscapes like Michael Orwick
4. Try a portrait with flowers around it like Cassandra Barney- use sketches of kids with animal hats-
5. work on calligraphy
6. Do at least one plein air painting this summer
Re-Learn Auto CAD
Learn illustrator
Get a great family photo taken
Buy some art for my house (or make some!)
Buy marquis A for mantle
Buy a piece of art, or make one for Amy and Adam
Make Joren’s banner
Start formulating ideas for large quilts for all the boys beds
Get a charger for my camera (and perhaps a lens?)

Christmas Lists

I always think it's fun to see what my kids will wish for at Christmastime. This year

Eirik asked for: A Bear Grills survival knife
2. Camelback
3. A cabellas gift card
4 Stuffed animal -wolf
5. anything camo
6. snowboarding gear
7. gun -22
8. dog
9. nike fuel band

Joren asked for :
1. A pet newt
2. cabellas sleeping bag
3. weaving stuff
4. clay

I asked for a new van, a freezer and a Christmas wreath and yoga mats for the kids.
Eirik said, "wow mom, expect to be dissappointed at Christmas this year!"
I know, it was a huge list. Our van did die though, the week before Christmas and it was not repairable so we bought a new one. We did buy a freezer, and it's a lucky thing we did because a few days later, our fridge that came with our house, died. Also, not repairable. We were able to put all the food in the new freezer and get a new fridge. (A stainless one to replace the old black one. bummer.) :)

On raising my kids on screans and candy

Friday night driving by the river, bight golden moon full and round in the sky. I'm alone for the first time in what seems like weeks. I'm driving to pick up my boys from a Lego party and stealing a few moments to dictate my thoughts as I drive through the sweet little town of Oregon city full of lights and the glitter of Christmas. There are bright windows with store displays and people all over, yet I feel isolated. I talk to so few people in my small circle of influence. I go outside so seldom. I order everything online to avoid the drives and the stores. Today I had a primary meeting and by the end Juniper was a wreck needing a nap and I rushed out as quickly as possible. While I might have had a moment to socialize with a group of women, I had to rush out. One of the women said, she was sorry that it's so hard to do things with little kids and I said it's going on eight years of that and I wonder if it ever ends. Surely my attitude needs to change. I've been trying to enjoy every minute with my sweet baby. She's so busy all the time doing the babies do best dumping, pouring, swirling, smashing, squishing, pushing, and making messes of everything. I feel like my obsessive-compulsive has kicked into higher gear lately which may or may not be true. I just wish I were different. I wish I didn't care. I wish my house could be a wreck and I'd be fine but I can only handle it for a short time and then I go nuts and start ignoring everything except cleaning the house. We've been watching Lucy; Jeanette's dog for a week and a half and Juni will not stay out of Lucy's food. She's just trying to be helpful, but she makes such a mess. She's always asking for food and then when I give it to her, she gives it to Lucy, or smears it everywhere, or dumps it out, or pours it from one dish to another. She's a perfect baby. And I am such an imperfect mom. I want to scream. 
I'm also in another food crisis. It seems to never end. I went to a gas station tonight with Paul and Eirik so Paul can get a drink. When we are inside Paul turned me and said "this is dinner". Since the kids are at a birthday party and were headed to a school function right after we pick them up, it didn't seem like too bad of an idea, so I grabbed a warm burrito and a pizza stick and a corndog for me and Juni and Eirik, (and some cookies and pop).  And as I pay, I feel like a failure; like I'm letting them down and letting myself down and being a victim of our unhealthy society. All week I tried to serve myself and my kids healthy food. I've been extra conscious about sugar this week. Today as I ate a bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats with almond milk, feeling pretty good about my healthy choice, I read the sugar content and realized I was eating 18 g of sugar and one bowl. And then I realized almost everything else I ate today had added sugar. How can we ever get away from it because it is so pervasive in our society? Sugar is such a mainstay. And as I think about how sugar and screens are raising my kids I feel overwhelmed and trampled down because there's no fighting it. I can never offer something they will want more than candy and TV. From the moment Teig wakes up it is immediately a series of negotiations about screen time and food. "Can I eat a cookie? Can I watch Wild Kratts?" "A cookie is not breakfast food and you know the rules about screen time." Despite being firm and steadfast about screen time rules, the battle wages incessantly. I can never give them enough screen time. And I am always the bad guy when I turn it off. It results in screams and anger almost every time despite the fact that they loose more screen time if they throw a tantrum about turning it off.  The issue is pervasive though.  I'm no different. I rarely rarely watch TV, but I find that I'm on a screen every single moment that I have the opportunity to be; just like my kids are.  I'm not at on screens for entertainment  but to work, to do projects, to be productive, and to learn things . I find myself being addicted to knowing the answers to my questions immediately. I know my children are experiencing the same things. We are experiencing an absolute thirst and hunger for immediate answers, stimulation, and entertainment.  It brings up so many questions for me about what it's going to do to us and I think constantly about how different we are from any generation that's come before us. We have nothing to compare this to. We have no way to know how raising our children with an iPhone in their hand is going to affect them.  We can only guess. We can only hope it won't be horrible for them. We can only hope it will be good for then somehow. Pediatricians say one hour a day of screen time is what's recommended. I know very few people who really do that now. I believe that our brains crave knowledge. They dislike boredom. We naturally like to know answers. There is nothing wrong with filling our children's brains with answers from screen time... or is there?   I feel like what we are experiencing is unprecedented.  Experiential knowledge is different and in many ways far superior to knowledge acquired from a screen. I'd like to give my kids real experiences and make sure their brains develop in lots of ways and not in a narrow path created by visual stimulation, but society is so different now.  How can I provide enough experiences that can compete with screens? I can't.  It is pretty amazing that we can experience things like being under the water with sharks through watching it on TV because most of us wouldn't ever get to do that in real life.The fact that my grandfather is terrified enough of the Internet that he refuses to have it in his house is fascinating and concerning because I don't want to discount his opinion completely just because he's old. On the other hand, I'd rather go without heat than the internet. Well almost. Thank you internet for being you; for being so outrageously awesome! How can I be so torn about this? I guess I'm terrified of addiction and I lack faith in my kids. Is that what it comes down to? Is it that I don't believe they have the ability to learn to self monitor?
I started doing jedi/ yoga training every Sunday morning to teach them to breath, relax, find their center, believe in themselves and learn stress managment skills. I like it. So far they don't love it, but will still do it with me. I want to stop the battle over screen time and give them more of what they want without feeling guilty. Making them hate me is not the answer. Having contention over it is not working. Maybe giving it so much negative attention by asking them to turn it off or keep it off so much is making the problem far worse. The problem is, if I don't regulate, that is all they will do...litterally. So, what's a mom to do? 

Hot tub talk

In the hot tub Teig said "Did you know this is a booby?" Eirik condescendingly told him, "No that's a buoy." "Oh yeah, there's no such thing as a booby."

Hide and seek

While playing hide and seek Teig told us that we could count to 12 miles per hour. 

Tasmanian tigers

"Did you know that Tasmanian tigers don't have a jaw? Heavenly father forgot to make one. Did you know that they run really fast?"

Teig

A huge update

I feel like I've been moving nonstop for days. I am doing way too much again. I'm helping my parents with this new remodel in Salt Lake City. I've done over 70 drawings for this house by hand. And made tender selections for finishes in and things. I really enjoy this kind of work but it's difficult to do from a distance. Not being on location has been a drawback to this project. 

I'm also taking a painting class from an artist I've admired for many years. His name is Michael Orwick and I feel absolutely blessed that I get to meet with him and have him critique my work. I've been to two classes so far and already I can tell my understanding of my materials and use of values and color has improved immensely. I can't wait to dig in and push more paint around. I wish I could be Painting right now. 

We threw a Halloween party last week. It took a lot of energy for 4 kids and 5 costumes and lots of friends and lots of fun spooky food. it was a blast but I feel like I'm still paying for it.  I'm pretty tired today. 

My brother Michael has been in town for the past three days. His ex- girlfriend is due with his baby. He's here for the delivery and to be a part of the baby's life. I've been as involved as I can be since he's been here. I've been helping him get acquainted with the hospital, get baby gifts together, meet with his lawyer and being emotional support where I can be. It's been sad and a bit overwhelming for me being involved in the details of the sad situation. 

While Michael has been here he's been helping me with a few house projects as well. He put together the monkey bars in our basement today and got me some shelves in my new studio. He's gonna hang my new light fixtures and help me stain my new dining table and a few other odds and ends I've been hoping to get finished. It sure is nice to have a handyman around! 

Last weekend Paul and I went to Seattle for an OMED conference. We got to visit with Tash and Brandon Bunnage and Amy and Brandon Miner. They are two of the most fun couples we know to hang out with. I loved their company and our discussions. it was fun to relate with them about being in kind of the same situations as they are in life and discussing how we're all dealing with the questions and changes that have come with this stage of our lives. I've ordered a stack of books to read based on recommendations from my friends and three or four of them are from this weekend with these smart people. 

This week Paul and I voted in the midterm election. The Republicans swept the Senate. It's pretty big deal for a country I think.

I've been enjoying a monthly art night with my group of artist friends. I look forward to it more than any other activity. Last week we did fused glass and the month before that we did painting. The month before that we tried calligraphy and a previous session was life drawing and Joren was our model. 

After we paint or draw whatever we do, we sit around and talk and I admire these women immensely. I respect their views of life, religion and raising kids and I'm always excited to hear their opinions and see what projects they've been working on. 

In addition to designing this huge house with my family and working on my painting skills I've also been working on Paul's website for his practice. I've scheduled a photo shoot with a great local photographer and I'm working out the details of that so that we can have some lifestyle photos for the website with our team members. I'm also redesigning the whole website with our web designer. It's a lot of work. I know it's going to be worth it though. With me being so busy with so many projects my poor kids sometimes have to get pretty creative to stay busy. I wish I were able to focus better on them. 

Junie is 20 months old. She is very physical she loves to climb and crawl and walk and run and do all things with her body but she does not like to talk. I wish she would begin talking. She does say mom and dad and she can sign six or seven things but I'm anxious for her to start communicating more with us. I'm also anxious for her to stop throwing every meal I give her on the floor and stop putting everything in her mouth!. This stage will end I'm sure. And I just try to dress her really cute every day so I treat her really well because when she's in a darling hat and cute boots I find I'm happier and nicer to her. I know that sounds dumb but hey whatever works. She's an absolute sweetheart and does cute things to help us like brings her shoes gives everybody hugs blows kisses all the time and tries to help whenever she can. She likes to help me load the dishwasher. She also has the cutest laugh and the boys love to make her laugh just to hear it. 

Teig is four. He is signed up to go to Friendship Farms Preschool twice a week. He loves it when he goes. But the past few weeks he's been complaining every time I take him and he has been begging me to stay home.  I've decided to take him out of preschool because he has a whole year next year of attending and it's not worth the fight for me to try to make him go. Teig is at that adorable stage for everything he does is absolutely unbearably cute. Tonight he looked up at me when I said I'm gonna pick you up and swing you around and he said "but I'm afraid of heights" in the cutest little sincere voice ever. He loves to help. He loves to play animal jam, a fun animal game on the computer. He loves to use the phone to play games. And he loves magna tiles and squeaky's and puzzles and boardgames. He also enjoys soccer and volleyball. When I ask him what he wants to be when he grows up he says "Everything. I'm going to be an arter and a skater and a doctor and a swimmer and a basketballer." He has great confidence and he is the sweetest thing in the world.

Joren has decided that without a doubt he's going to be a famous artist when he grows up. Every day when he comes home from school he gets out his paint and he paints or draws. Every morning before he leaves he says "mom you are my art buddy. Let's do art when I get home." He has been making paintings and drawings that blow me away. I am amazed by his talent and his love for it. I promised him I'd never let him run out of paper and it made him ecstatic with joy. I also took him to the art store and bought him two canvases and a new pallet. He said he was gonna save his canvases and I told him "no, I want to fill them up because I'm gonna buy you two more canvases on your birthday at the end of the month. He was thrilled and filled them up right away. 

Eirik is busy with tae kwon do twice a week, enrichment class which is an exercise class after school, and a drama class. His homework is getting more vigorous. He gets to do reading responses on a blog online for this class. He's doing great in his spelling tests and his math tests and pushing his limits in many areas of his life. He loves graphic novels and tries to do as little work as possible. He has such a kind heart and wants to serve and do what's right he's incredibly onnoxious and yet clever as can be at the same time. He has been drawing pictures of wolves. I think I have about 20 drawings that look almost identical of a wolf chasing down some kind of animal cornering it in a borough. Actually some of them show the wolf eating the animal with blood dripping everywhere. He's a little obsessed with the predator/ prey relationship. Eirik seems to have friends at school and his teacher says he's always paired off with somebody. However at home he tells me that he feels like something is missing and he says he has no friends. I hope he finds his one special friend soon. He's a lot like Paul is and Paul was lucky to have his cousin as his best friend who was always around. I feel like that's what Eirik needs. 

 I feel lucky to have a new good friend who lives around the corner from me. Her son is Eirik's age and so she comes over often with her son who comes home and stays for an hour after school before she gets home from work. She is pretty great and I enjoy just having another woman around to hang out with.  I've been so busy that I haven't taken the time or made the time to work hard on the relationships here that would develop into great friendships for me. I miss my good friends from Michigan. There are wonderful women here but I still feel like I'm new to Oregon at a year and a half out and to be honest, I've been sort of an introvert. My kids need so much and tear the house apart so completely that preparing the house for company exhausts me so much that I rarely make it happen. Also we have only lived here for 3 1/2 months. And I'm still trying to get it decorated how I like it. I still have many projects around the house I'd like to do to make it feel like it's ready for guests. I worry that my perspective might be completely skewed because I spend too much time on Pinterest looking at beautiful homes. Obviously that's not real life and when I visit my friends houses I realize how abnormal I am and how obsessed I am with Art and design. It's sometimes eye-opening to realize that I am different than most people in this respect. I live in my own little bubble sometimes. 

Paul's practice has been going great. He's working on opening a second location. He's also been working out and eating very little and losing tons of weight. He is looking better than he has since we first got married. He's also spent a ton of money on clothes from banana republic and Frye boots and a motorcycle jacket and new sunglasses and cologne. He's living up having a little extra cash. It's pretty awesome. I just love not stressing you out every five dollar purchase. It's absolutely fantastic to have money in the bank and no student loans left to pay off. Yep we paid them all off last month!! I feel like it's a miracle. 

I hired a house cleaner last month. I had never done it before. Too darling young girls came to my house and as I showed them around I saw them calculating in their head the cost to clean my house. At the end of the tour they told me the number which was twice as much as I expected. They told me it will only be half that much in the future but there's kind of a lot to do today. I feel like I'm a good housekeeper myself but then I look at my house and I wonder what happened? 😄 I guess being so busy with so many projects limits the time I'm willing to give to mopping and dusting and cleaning toilets. It was lovely to have help! 

I'm looking forward to having my parents here for the next week or two to work on this house project. I hope they spend some good quality time with my kids. It will be really good for all of us to have them around! I miss my parents so much. 

Another event happened last week that has had  big impact on me is the passing of my dear friend/mentor and father figure David Parvin. It came as a complete shock. I found out on Facebook that he had passed away. It happened just a day after he posted something about one of his projects. I sat in complete disbelief staring at my phone unable to comprehend that he was gone. They are not having a funeral for him just a private family service. I was sad to not be able to go and pay my respects. I held a little memorial with just Paul and I on Saturday morning. I pulled out all the newspaper clippings and articles he I have saved over the years from him and all the letters he's writtento me and I read them all. I pulled out all the sculptures he's given me in the body cast that I have that we made together. I also dug through my drawers and got all my pictures out of David and I together. I was flooded with memories of the good times that we had. He was one of those people who goes out of his way to help people tremendously. He was extremely kind and generous to me. He was always looking out for my best interests giving me good advice, giving me allowance, paying me extra, calling me on the phone, and paying me nice, and as I felt, undeserved complements. After I married Paul I stopped communicating with David as frequently. Paul never agreed with my relationship with him since I did pose for sculptures for David in high school it seemed inappropriate to Paul. David was never an appropriate with me but out of respect for Paul I kept my relationship with David more distant than David would've liked. My regrets for not calling when he asked me to call him more frequently came flooding over me as I learned of his death. David was an atheist and I wonder about what the afterlife is like for him. For his goodness and generosity I am sure he will be rewarded greatly. I wish I knew what happens after this life, as we all do. I hope he knows of my love for him and my gratitude for what he did to make me who I am.  I hope he forgives me for my distance. I hope he knows every time I hear Enya or Enigma or Oh Holy night, I think of him. I hope he knows that so much of my success is an artist comes from his encouragement and his belief in my talent. I hope you find great joy and love and that he is able to create all the things he wanted to that he never got to create here on this earth. I will miss him greatly. 

Halloween

Kids 8, 6, 4 and almost 2 are the best for Halloween fun. Halloween on a Friday is also great. There were no school dress up parties and only one night of Halloween. Everything on one night is also awesome! I invited people over. I made a bunch of fun spooky food and we had dry ice. The costumes were fun and the people were fun. Our neighborhood is amazing. Julien, our neighbor behind us does a super spooky forest and they all dress up. Tons of trick or treaters and people everywhere. We went up to the church trunk or treat for a short time, then came home for games movies and more trick or treating.

New Room Reveal for Emma

My poor 15 year old nice Emma was diagnosed with Leukemia 1 month ago. She has been getting chemotherapy at the childrens hospital and today she gets to come home. She wont be home long but her family wanted her to have a great time while she is at home. They asked me to redecorate her room for her arrival. We all expected her next Friday but 2 days ago they let me know that it would be a week early so I have been on GO mode getting it ready for her. I'm really excited for her to see it!
I hope she likes it.

Promises and primary program

"Break your heart and  cross to die??"
Teig

Today was the primary program. I'm the music leader. I hoped for another awesome story like the time that Teig held up his teachers giant quad scriptures over his head during "scripture power" and fell over backward with the weight of it." but nothing like that happened. There were no funny snags. The kids were well behaved and we all got lots of compliments. Teig started off the whole program by climbing up on the stool and craning his neck to reach the microphone and saying in his adorable tiny voice, "Our primary theme this year is Families are forever." Joren's part was, "Families are necessary part of God's plan. I love my family because I like to snuggle with them." Eirik's part was, "I know that families are part of Gods plan. I can show my love to my family. I show my love to my mom by making her breakfast in bed. I show my love to my dad by helping with the kids. I show my love to Joren by helping with his games. I show love to Teig by letting him count my money over and over. He loves it. I show love to Juni by playing dolls with her."
I arranged a violin duet to play over the singing in the last song. At our only practice it sounded pretty awful, but today it was perfectly lovely. I don't know what happened, but it was just right.
I don't feel like being the singing leader fits me very well. I have to force myself to prepare every week and I trudge through it, but I love the kids so much and enjoy my time with them when I get there. I admire teachers immensely. It is not easy for me. I'm glad today is over and I'm glad that we got to have singing time sitting on blankets and having fun. I stapled song titles to autumn leaves that I threw over the kids. They had to catch them and we sang all fun and easy songs and ate snacks.