I like to make stuff.

Joren was having a hard time going to sleep tonight so i laid next to him and let him talk. This is what he said: "I like fossils. I like whale teeth. I like sculptures. I like to make stuff. Can I please sign up for willow brook? That's going to be my thing. I like to make stuff. Mom, how do you make liquid? Like water? Who made God? I like to know stuff. Knowledge. I want to know the future. "

Today we had Sunday dinner at Pat and Johns. They serve dinner on their lovely collected china sets and each child gets a tiny miniature tea set at their place. They absolutely love it and my kids had no interest in eating the roast and pototoes but loved the tea sets and cousin time. I enjoyed talking to grandpa Rallison. I can't help but wonder each time I see him if it will be my last. Last week when we saw him at Ben and Kim's house I said" grandpa, we want to come visit you at your house." he said: "we'll don't wait too long." with a twinkle in his eye. His stroke has made him forget names, nouns and numbers but he is still sharp as a whip and very funny. I watched him struggle to eat. It took him a long time and could not cut up his food without a lot of difficulty but he would never have let us help him. He refuses to stop driving even though he probably shouldn't be. He fell and hurt his hip this week. He was concerned about it but would not see the doctor because he said, "knowing what is wrong is not going to change anything." Paul told him he had a skin cancer on his ear and grandpa looked at Paul and said "well thanks a lot" with his sparkling eyes. He said something like "well when people get old these things happen, and now I'm one of them".

Today in Sunday School we learned that if someone is righteous they are on the right side of God or their will is in line with the Father. Someone who sins is simply someone who does not do what the Father says. The main reasons people are not righteous are because they are worried about the things of this world or the honor of men. I have spent the day considering how much I care about the things of this world or the honor of men. I a have always been a people pleaser. I lost my temper today. I will spend my week considering my motivations in more detail. I also plan to think about how I can be more decisive, spin my wheels less, and be more action oriented when it comes to making my dreams happen. I want to take some risks and I need some good plans.

I never stop thinking about making art. I have two large boxes full of art that I am not even going to hang on my walls in this house. Most of it is just not good enough but also I just have too much art, but I still want to make more. Why? I'm like Joren. I just want to make stuff! I'm not focused. I'm scatterbrained. I don't remember things. And I am completely obsessed with color. That's just who I am even when I try to run from it.