Anticipation...

Waiting for news that you have no control over can be excruciating.  We have been doing a lot of waiting.  We have been waiting to hear what the doctor we are hoping to buy the practice from in Oregon will say to our letter of intent.  We are waiting to hear back from the leasing agent about the new space we intent to build out.  We are waiting to hear if we are approved for the loans we have applied for, and we have been waiting for mock boards to finally come and go, but most importantly, we have been waiting to find out if we will add another boy to our clan or a little miss.  The appointment for our ultrasound is today, in a few hours.  The days of this week have drug on and on.  I will be honest and admit that I have been watching tv shows every night to escape from all the anticipation and nervous energy.  Yesterday I finally sat down and got serious about picking out a name for a boy so that if it is a boy I will be excited and have a vision for boy #4.  Paul liked my choice.  We have spent many hours on this before and I know the names he likes so when I asked him about Teirje Dane Aanderud, he agreed.  I also spent some time rereading the birth stories of my second two boys and with each I wrote how surprised I was how much my heart could grow to love another child.  With those precious memories on the surface and with a name chosen, I am ready to accept another boy with an open heart and a lot of joy.  That said, we still have our hopes that the Lord will let us raise a little June bug, and I fear the disappointment, not of having another boy, but of not ever having a girl.  If I knew I were having more children, I would not be so nervous, but I am pretty sure this will be our last little one. 
So I have prepared a special way to announce to the boys the gender of the little pomme growing inside me.  I made two cakes today, one pink and one blue with identical white frosting covering them.  After the appointment, we will cut into the right one.  I am in knots of anticipation!!! And Paul is, as you can imagine, incredibly stressed.  Boards study means goodbye Paul for weeks and weeks of evenings.  We will be full of news soon!  Wish us luck.