Where to live for the rest of life

It seems like such a daunting decision. One that will effect our lives and our children's lives for the rest of our time here.  15 months from now we will be packing boxes and getting reservations for our moving van/ or vans, along with a million other arrangements that will need to be made to transition our lives across this country for a big brand new life.  I think from the beginning Paul always imagined moving "home" to Oregon after his adventures learning medicine across the country.  When I broke it to him in July last year that I was not sure Oregon was calling my name, his dreams took a back seat to my suggestions.  All the advise he has ever heard and passed on concerning this subject tells him to move where his wife will be happy so that he will be happy.  He is one to take advise seriously and so he is listening to me and letting me lead the way in this decision.  I feel out of practice or maybe unpracticed at all in making major decisions for myself.   For every major decision in my life I have been pointed in the right direction by the spirit or drug by the arm, or I've been able to follow my capable husband's lead.  I have come to trust his judgement sometimes more than my own as my ideas would have led us down much less desirable paths in some cases.  He has an ability to see outcomes very well and he is good at desiring abundance in a way that I am learning how to do only by his example.  The fact that I have been so wishy washy and confused about this decision has caused me to do some real soul searching.  I have been asking myself to examine the desires of my heart.  "The only true guide is your heart.  Nothing less than it's supreme desire can help you." Christopher Paolini  I have been asking myself where I want to be in 5 years, 10 years, 40 years and what I want for my children and husband on the same road.  Where in this big beautiful country can all of our dreams come true?

Priorities:
1st  - a place where Paul can have a successful practice.  (this rules out Utah as far as we can tell)
2nd - near family
3rd- community/ schools/ ward/ culture
4th- weather/ geography
5th- proximity to temple/ activities/ shopping


Here is a little background story.  When I was in High School I met a woman who came into Dave's studio to have her body cast.  She was from Santa Fe.  She sang opera and wrote books of poetry.  She was so nice and I loved her open heart.  For years she invited me to Santa Fe and sent me poetry books and CD's of her singing for Christmas.  I never went to Santa Fe, but I sure dreamed of going and I guess I sort of framed Santa Fe as this magical place where even amateur artists of all kinds can be accepted and grow and be integrated in a community of like-minded people.  I imagined that it is a safe place where there are so many artists that people don't judge each other for opening their hearts and being vulnerable.  I pictured a warm sunny desert surrounded by red rocks and filled with shining happy artists.  There was always this place in the future of my life that I planned to fill with the magic of Santa Fe.

In the spring of last year we had a visit from a gentleman from Santa Fe, NM who dropped by our house to visit since he had raised his family here and lived here for 30 years.  I thought he was pretty wonderful and kind.  His name was Bruno Leon and he told me how the sunroom of our house was his architect studio for many years.  I loved learning that so much art had been done in our home.  He was gracious and kind, but I thought nothing more of meeting him until a few weeks ago when we received a letter from him in the mail with beautiful careful architects penmanship inviting us to Santa Fe to work.  He described the great need for dermatologists in the area and how he and several of his close loved ones had waited 6 months to be seen by the local physicians.  The letter came after many prayers  for guidance, and I am quick to label things like that as signs from the Lord.  A few weeks after that I got a Christmas card from Renatha, a girl I had not known well but had graduated with her from interior design school at BYU.  Her card was from Santa Fe where she lives with her family.  "That's it! Two signs, it's meant to be."  That's how much of an intuitive decision maker I am.  It's sure a good thing I have a thoughtful, study-it-out kind of husband to balance me out.
So, Paul, being the super supportive and kind husband that he is started doing lots of research about Santa Fe.  He said, "you would have to pick the one place that could draw me away from Oregon."  We both have been pretty excited about the prospect of going there.  Mr. Leon was right, there is a huge need there and we can be pretty confident that we could make a practice work very well there.  3 of the 5 dermatologists are about to retire and are not accepting new patients.  The other two could not get us an appointment until 2 months later.  I called and talked to Renatha for a couple of hours last week.  Some of the things she said got me really excited and other things really concerned me.  Since that conversation, my confidence has been shaken and I have been wavering.  Here are some things I love: The beauty of the mountains and landscape, 4 cloudy days a year and mild temperatures all year, the "hippie-ness" of it.  There are tons of wellness centers, Pilates and yoga studios, spiritual openness, so many workshops, beautiful areas to explore, hike, ski, bike, mountain climb, culture, tradition, multicultural, over 100 galleries, fly fishing, horseback riding and most of all tons of artists.  The concerns are these: the schools are not good at all and I have heard that the ward is not that strong or welcoming.  There is not release time seminary.  The general feeling is that the locals are not incredibly hard workers and there is feeling of procrastination like the kind I encountered in Cozumel Mexico ie: frustrating!  Also, the nearby communities like Los Alamos look down on the people of Santa Fe like they are less than.  The houses are really quite expensive, there are only a few for rent and tons for sale and there are very few with more than three bedrooms.  it sounds like they need doctors of all specialties, not just dermatologists.  (Can that be a bad sign?)  It's an hour to the Alb temple which is a little further away than I would like and I heard that some of the teenagers hate living there because there is nothing to do.  I'm sure there is plenty to do, but I don't want bored teenage boys!  I don't want to be negative, but these present pretty big questions for me.  The funniest part is that Renatha homeschools because she refuses to send her kids to the schools and she and her husband are actively looking for a job in Oregon!!!

Soooo, back to Oregon.  Today I asked Paul what he thought about trying to buy Grandpa Rallison's property a couple of years down the road.  It is near Patty and John, Ben and Kim and Jeanette and Jake.  It is near an area where we think Paul can create a strong practice.  (More research needed here.)  We both love the property.

The nature center/ running trails across the street.  Gorgeous right!!!

The estimated price for the three acres it is on would be the same price we could buy a small old home downtown Santa Fe.  Both would need remodeling, but Grandpa's comes with land to die for.  His land is right between a beautiful new nature preserve and a huge field overlooking the town below.  It is gorgeous. Anything will grow there!

Again, the nature center, literally across the street!  I know!!!

There are tons of fruit trees lining the drive and fields for all the animals Joren could ever want.  The garden is already there and fenced in.  It's ideal!  The schools and ward are good.  There is tons to do for the boys and Paul and me.  There is tons of art.  We have no way of knowing how long Grandpa wants to hang on to his property.  The only negatives are the rain and the large population.

 In Santa Fe, I feel like I could stand out. We could become important to the community or make a name for ourselves.  We would be big(ish) fish in a small(ish) pond.  In Portland, would we even stand out?  And is this even important?  I guess it's sort of silly really to care about that.  I'm still a little girl that wants to be noticed I guess.  Paul told me that a girl at his work saw my hair at our recent work party and she cut hers to try to look like me!! I was so flattered.  I have felt so invisible lately and a compliment like that really shook me and made me feel great.  I told Paul in a fit of emotion during last months hormone roller coaster (he he) that I wanted to be famous and well known for my artwork and creativity.  I told him that I am almost 35 and I have not made anything of note for such a long span of time that I feel I'm losing my spark. I am getting old and my vision for where I would be artistically is behind.  I knew I would have a hiatus with my family and I keep telling myself it is ok and good and right, but I also get scared because the longer I do not produce the more scared I get of doing it and I am watching all these remarkable women online brand themselves and create a presence that stirs in the minds and the hearts of those who visit their pages.  I am filled with inspiration from these women who's words I read, art and photography I've seen.  I want to be a part of the online movement, the movement of beautiful inspirational things that is exploding through our amazing web connections.  I have always been driving the creativity train in my little world and suddenly I am looking in the windows and missing the stops!  Ahhhh wh wh waaait for me!    I know artists can make art without fellow artists, but I do so much better with a buddy to talk things through with and get advise from and just be with. I have not had that for a long long time and the artist in me feels like a foreigner sometimes.  I am turning into a preschool crafter instead of a fine art producer. It's ok, but I am craving the quality and value that comes from real intent suckled from the soul.  I used to just churn with ideas and now it's a low bubble.  I know I have it in me and I have to foster it to get it to boil up again.  That's why I wanted to go to Santa Fe, but now my mind is telling me Oregon is the place for my family and the creative juices will have to surface somehow there.  I heard someone say that being an artist is one of the most selfish things you can do.  I don't know who said it, but I just hate them for saying it! I hate it because I have believed it for a while and now I have come to totally disagree, because the people who have blessed my life through their art have given me more than I could ever describe.  Making real art is a selfless, soul bearing, heart breaking, vulnerable process and no one should criticize someone's attempt to show what is inside them through their art.

The cool thing is that Santa Fe offers so many art courses taught by artists there that I could go twice a year to a weekend class starting as soon as my kids are in school.  If we are in Oregon, we will be near family which means a lot more babysitters and a helk of a lot more fun.

If we lived in Santa Fe I could take painting classes from Jakki Kouffman at the Santa Fe community college for only $185 for 7 weeks.  Here is one of her pieces:

Jakki Kouffman

I am also dying to take a class from Paul Ferney in Oregon.

Paul Ferney

(I have noticed that I systematically have a thing for paintings with yellow skies for some reason.) 

Oregon could be the place where all our dreams come true, but so could Santa Fe.  Now is when we wait for the Lord to open our eyes to what he is trying to tell us.