Dancing

This week Pat and John came to town.  I had not yet met John and Paul had only spoken with him briefly at the wedding, so we were interested to get to know him.  He brought us all hand crocheted hats and scarves for Paul and I.  I love them.  The first night I made us a dinner of lemon spaghetti and shrimp fra diavolo with homemade bread and afterward we all sat by the fire and talked.  John told us all about his life and his kids and his previous wife.  He is kind and easy to be around and great with the kids.  He helps a lot with them and it is quite amazing how easily he fits with Patty.  They are a natural couple.  Patty told me how before Steve died she has a dream showing her where to move to when they sold their house on Nestucca.  She did not know at the time why it was so important where they move to, but she now feels it was a tender mercy of the Lord to move her to a ward where both John and Patty would find each other after their spouses died.  Her wedding ring has engraved the words, "chapter 2, a new hope".  I am glad to see her so happy.  I am strengthened by her commitment to herself and he ability to get what will make her happy. 
Yesterday morning Patty did EMDR on me.  You tap both sides of your body in rhythm and then feel a very happy moment and alternate to a very upsetting moment until the two sort of neutralize and if they don't then you find another time in your life when you felt the feeling of that upsetting moment and think what you would say to that younger version of yourself that would help, then you say that to yourself in the more present upsetting moment.  I want to remember how to do it.  My happy moment happened just last week.  After a nice family dinner we were all hanging out in the living room with all the Christmas lights twinkling and the firelight sparkling.  Eirik turned on Seven Brides for Seven Brothers to the barn raising scene and we all started dancing.  My boys were immitating the men on the movie how they fight over dancing with the women and they were fighting over the chance to dance with me.  They were competing with each other to see who was the best dancer.  It was truely a moment of complete joy.  Little Teig even came over to dance with me.  Perfection. 
My upsetting moment was 2 minutes later when Paul let Tor in the house to ruin our perfect moment.  My more upsetting moment was in college when I was standing in my apartment looking out my window thinking of all the people I knew and feeling that I had no one to talk to about my depression.  I was considering every person I knew and felt completely helpless and alone.  Patty used the words, out of control and that's what took me to that moment. I told that college girl she needed to speak up and talk to those closest to her even if it was scary.   And then she brought me back to Paul and taught me that I need to speak up even more to Paul.  Yeah... I need to speak up more I guess. 
At lunch time we picked up Eirik and we all went to Imagination Station.  After a Mexican Dinner we went to the Lights before Christmas at the Toledo Zoo.  We bought a year zoo pass with the Christmas money Pat and John gave us.  The kids and I are going to love going to the zoo all year long!  Santa was at the zoo in a giant tudor theater decorated so beautifully.  Eirik knew exactly what to say to Santa.  "I would like a remote control bug, remote control car and a T-Rex tooth replica."  Joren said he didn't know just what to ask for.  Santa told him that that must mean that he would be happy with whatever he got.  Joren agreed but as we were leaving the stage, Joren said, "I think I forgot something."  There was no line so I said, you have plently of time to go tell Santa what you want.  He went tentatively back over and said, "Santa, I forgot something." Then he hemmed and hawed and tried his best to think of anything to ask for.  Finally he said, "I fink I would want a snowgwobe."  He said it in the tiniest sweetest voice.  It was totally endearing. 
When we left the theater there was a big area piped with loud Christmas dance music.  Paul picked up Eirik and I picked up Joren and we danced for the whole song.  Joren looked in my eyes an said, "this is the best part of my life."  He was so sweet.  It was  a magical evening.