Another day passes. They just keep going by and there's nothing I can do about it. My baby girl gets one day closer to not needing me, and resenting me as I am told all teenage girls do. My boys get one day closer to all those teenage mistakes that keep me up at night worrying about. My face got a new dimple this week. Not a cute one, but a wrinkle dimple in my chin. It made me feel really old. I'm old enough that last night Paul and I spent 15 min reminiscing about some favorite memories and they seemed like a lifetime ago even though they were only 10 years past. I saw a photo of Eirik and Joren from when we first moved into Grosse Ile and they both fit in the kitchen sink playing together! It doesn't seem that long ago. The passage of time is always in the forefront of my mind as the days are checked off before life changes so dramatically in just 3 weeks from today. I keep seeing myself in my mind boarding the plane with three of my kids leaving Michigan for the last time. It's not unexpected. We have planned this exact thing since we started 8 years ago and it has arrived. I know how thing are supposed to go. I know the plan. I have confidence that all will go well and that we are moving to a great place. Yet for some reason I find that I feel numb. I can't really explain it except that I feel like I should be devastated and ecstatic at the same time and maybe i am both so equally that they are canceling each other out and I am just numb instead. I feel like I am following a plan and jumping into the unknown. In a lot of ways this is just out of my control.
Having 4 kids is more overwhelming than I think either of us figured. We are loving it, but we are running ragged. We knew this would be a trying couple of months, and we are up for it, but we are in deep and we are swimming hard.
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